Knowing About the Fight

"We win the battle when we realize we don’t ever get to stop fighting it." <<<<<<< Now That'll Teach!!! 

Now this is a POWERFUL statement!! And soooo applies to every aspect of our Christian walk.. Don't think once you THINK you have been delivered from an issue in your life, that the battle is over because the enemy is REALLY going to get started with you!  You see, as long as the enemy has your mind captive, he doesn't have to work too hard to keep you captive. He doesn't have to rattle anymore chains in your life.  My issue was with depression and succumbing to darkness. Once I became saved and born again and received the baptism of the Holy Spirit.. went so far as to accept the call God had placed on my life.. then I got SUCKERED PUNCHED with depression and darkness... I guess I really cannot say suckered punch... I reopened a soul tie.. yet and still, I fell down HARDER and FASTER than I had

The Cross was Harder!!

How's it going, Lisa? <<<< Facebook wants to know...

2013 is starting out to be a FANTASTICAL year! 

Ministry classes are speaking LIFE to me! 

Sleep disorders under control and being managed very well with meds!!

Suspension from school being lifted this semester and being allowed to register. 4 classes away from my Master's Degree!! 

I turn 40 this year and Im not mad Im not married nor have more babies!!! It is what it is. LOL If it's God Will that I remain single so that I may be able to do His work..

I Remember When...

Originally posted on December 3, 2010

I found out Mister was HIV+... It came in the mail.. his lab results from the insurance company that was going to insure our 4500 square feet, 5 bedroom, 3 bathroom house.. dunno why I need to share how big the house was... Im feeling a little cramped at the moment in our 3 room apartment.

Anyhooo... The letter was to inform him that he was not eligible to be insured and they sent his lab results. The lab results showed a bunch of numbers and at the bottom it said "HIV+ according to CDC standards." I remember seeing them on a Saturday and it was a holiday weekend and I was praying the docs office was going to be open on that holiday Monday... that weekend was sheer torture because I feared the very worse about myself and my daughter.. MiniMe at the time was about 10 months old. Didnt know at that moment how long he had it or if I had gotten it and passed it to MiniMe during my pregnancy...

Lisa's Story: Part 1

I look at this picture now.. and just wow.. those who have no ability to discern will not see it, but a few discerning spirits have told be they see nothing but darkness in me in this picture. I would have to agree with them. I am posting this blog for a final time on what I hope is to be my final blog page. I am gathering many blogs into one location because God has commanded me to write a book about what happened to me and I must be obedient. However first, I need to gather everything into ONE location! 

This is something that I originally wrote in a blog 4-5 years ago... many of you may remember it.. for many of you this will be your first time reading it... I can finally read this in appreciation.. without crying or being upset, just in appreciation AND awe of the awesome presence and favor of God in my life.. I am SOOO not the person who wrote this anymore... sooo not the person who is filled with such despair.. I post this because this is something that many people may be going thru right now.. in all aspects and it is a teaching tool to recognize that whoever it is that is going thru it can also come out with their head up...

There may be cursing in this blog here in there... my foul mouth had yet been delivered... also.. Mister was previously known as The FOOL.>>

This is a story that was part of a 3 blog trilogy that I had posted on my old page that got deleted. I remember the day I typed part 3 to the trilogy, I went to post and it did the infamous yahoo thing and disappeared. *POOF* it was gone, so I went and rewrote it and saved it on word and decided to repost it today and tell the rest of the story. Someone very close to me said that I come off as moaning and groaning and that I appear that way because they don’t understand like she does because she knows more of the story, or so I thought. Well I am going to finish it now, and it is very long, 11 pages on word.

Let me preface this with saying that by the point that this story picks up... I had found out Mister was HIV+, found out he may have been on the down low..Found out that I WAS NOT HIV+.had several domestic violence incidents with Mister and one with Ma Barker (his mother) and by this point had left 3 times already...


So during this two month waiting period...

Gotta pause this for a second... the time frame in this two month waiting period is the time between when I found his lab results from applying for home owners insurance to the time he went to the doctor and found out himself... He initially denied being HIV+ despite the fact I had his paperwork in my hand...

... we tip toed around each other. He brought out his charm, the same charm he used to snag me with in the first place, but he never said one word about IT. And no, he didn’t lay a finger on me, sexually or otherwise. It was a strange existence and with passing day I grew internally angrier and angrier. I knew that it was time for me to make my move.


After the results he was distraught. I can only imagine the inner turmoil he was going through. This abruptly halted any plans of ours to have another child and then it was the matter of life insurance. Me being me, I started searching for ways that HIV positive men could have children without infecting the mother. I searched for companies that would actually give him insurance. There are 5 insurance companies in the U.S. that will insure him and there were ways to have a kid without actually getting infected. So then he started to resent me. His resentment grew with each passing day to the point that it became intolerable.


I asked him how he got it and he couldn’t come up with any answers. I asked him point blank if her ever slept with a man,

Oh, So it's YOUR Birthday Now, Mommy??

For God so loved the World that He gave His only begotten son that whosoever believeth in him should 

not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16

I remember one time... I was preparing for MiniMe's 7th birthday party I believe it was. *I* was busy making sure her Princess and the Frog birthday Party was going to be PERFECT. *I* was running around getting hard to find decorations of t

he first black Disney princess, getting equally as hard to find Princess Tiana purses as treat bags, goodies to put in these purses, making sure everything matched, that there would be enough treat bags...etc.... *I* was nervous about how many or if anyone would show up, *I* didn't want to her to be disappointed about anything on HER special day. So then it came down to picking out the cake. *I* couldn't decided on which Princess cake to get so I tell my friend on the way to the store that day.. how *I* couldn't make up my mind about the 

cake and then MiniMe chimed in from the back seat..

"That's ok Mommy, I will pick out the cake"

And in the most typical of a fussy mother's fashion I said.. What do you mean you are PICKING OUT THE CAKE??? You aren't picking out anything!! You have some money in your pockets? You have a way to pay for the cake??? *I* am the one paying for this shindig of yours and *I* will be the one to pick out the cake!! 

to which she replied in typical MiniMe fashion... 

"Oh, so its YOUR birthday now Mommy?"

*crickets*

                                                                                                                                                                                            I was reminded of this story when I saw this verse. I honestly have NO IDEA about what Im going to "do about 

Christmas" this year. I mean seriously? NO CLUE!!! Currently, I have "bigger" fish to fry as to what to do with any money I have or may get and I have been trying not to worry about it... You see how many times I said *I* in my  story above?? As parents, in our own self-centeredness, we tend to forget about the "bigger picture" in trying to make sure we are finding our kids the perfect gifts for Christmas. Running around trying to find their little Christmas requests.. Standing in long lines.. dealing with crowds.. doing the Black Friday thing.. not wanting them or anyone else to be disappointed on Christmas morning with our gifts.. 

"Oh, so its YOUR birthday now Mommy?"

My daughter told me, in that very moment, this is not YOUR day Mommy, but MINE!!

Ive got news for you, its not your birthday you are celebrating either, but Christ's!!  

For God so loved the World that He gave His only begotten son that whosoever believeth in him should 

not perish, but have everlasting life.

For God so loved the World.. all of us.. the good and the bad.. the believers and non-believers.. (thank you homiletics for that one LOL).

Oh, So it's YOUR birthday now, Mommy?

HE GAVE US His only begotten son, we didn't give Him anything but our sins.. we didn't deserve it, but He did it for us anyway!! 

Oh, So it's YOUR birthday now, Mommy?

I am not going to perish for not having gifts under the tree, however ,I will perish for not believing in him, for not teaching MiniMe about God's love for us and about what Christ did for us and for not teaching her how important it is to believe in Christ in her heart, to have his love for everyone in her heart. Yes, I will be accountable for my teaching her about Christ and giving her an example of being Christlike. That is the best and only perfect gift I can ever give her!

Oh, So it's YOUR birthday now, Mommy?

Ever lasting life will not come by buying the perfect Christmas presents or filling the Christmas tree up to capacity with presents. Everlasting life will come through my belief in Christ. My walk with Christ. The love of Christ in my heart will show in me through me to my daughter. Everlasting life will come through teaching my daughter about Christ and about being Christlike and what that really means. Everlasting life will come through my faith that is THROUGH my belief in Christ, God will supply my needs and maybe.. just maybe.. if Im lucky.. some of my wants.. 

Oh, So it's YOUR birthday now, Mommy?

Christmas is not about me nor what I can put under the tree. Its not about some toys that will be forgotten about or broken within a few days. It is not about how much money I have to spend nor is it about getting someone the "perfect gift". It is about God's love for us and the perfect gift He gave us because of His love for us. His Son. Salvation. Love. Everlasting life. There is only ONE perfect gift.

And guess what?? Princess Tiana ended up laying on her side in the frosting of the cake. MiniMe didn't even notice.  

Day 10 of 30 Days of Thanksgiving: Learning Something Else About Myself

I absolutely hate being misunderstood.. I mean.. it hurts me to my core when someone misunderstands my intentions. or my words. or my feelings. Especially if it is someone I genuinely care about.

I always find myself trying to explain myself even more.  Which ends up to more misunderstanding.. which always ends disastrously..

And now Im sitting here even more shocked. Hurt. Stunned. And just WOWWWW..

How did it get here??

Ive got to learn to stop. Ive got to learn that no matter how much I try and explain myself, sometimes, people are going to continue to misunderstand you no matter how much you try to explain yourself. And I have got to learn to let it go. No matter how much it hurts to lose a friendship. No matter how much it hurts to be misunderstood. No matter how much it hurts to be accused of something that wasn't in my heart to do. I still have to let it go.

And I am thankful for that lesson on today. People will misunderstand you and there is absolutely nothing you can say and do to get them to think or believe otherwise. You have to pray and let it go.

Day 9 of 30 Days of Thanksgiving: Admitting Im Wrong & Apologizing

Proverbs 12:1 

1 Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.

That's something isn't it? If you hate to be corrected and do not like to learn more about your flaws concerning yourself, means you are stupid. Stupid is a strong yet offensive word and something no one ever wants to admit about themselves. Especially when it comes to...

Admitting When You Are Wrong. 

You cannot even begin to apologize when you cannot admit you may have done, failed to do or said something to someone which may have hurt their feelings or offended them. 

Working in customer service has taught me this very important lesson, people appreciate when you can admit you are wrong and then set about a course of action to correct the wrong which satisfies your customer and will likely bring them back into your store. It has taught me people value and appreciate integrity and character that people give forth. 

I have learned through the course of the last few years to be quick to apologize and admit when Im wrong. Ive always hated to offend people, but would never apologize because apologizing would mean admitting some flaw about myself that I am not ready accept. 

At work, if I have made a mistake, I would quickly own up to my mistake and allow myself to be taught how not to make the mistake again. If I misspoke or accuse someone of not doing something I thought I told them to do, once Ive realize I was wrong about it, I will quick apologize and say hey, yanno what you are right, that was my fault. When supervising subordinates, being able to admit you made a mistake goes FAR in trying to motivate workers to move with a sense of urgency and do a good job. One time, I was in the office with my boss for giving an associate a scream job of a lifetime in front of customers, after he finished his speech, I said, you know what? I was wrong for my actions. No matter what this person said or have done, only I have control of my behavior and nothing she should have done should have made me react like that. 

The relief on his face was priceless. Maybe because he didn't have to write me up? Maybe it was because I made it easier for him to discipline me without it getting ugly? I don't know.  I do know it   was at that moment I was able to be taught by him and learn something about myself that caused me to react so poorly in the first place.  

There are so many benefits to being able to admit when you are wrong. People tend to believe you in other areas when you are able to admit you are wrong in the areas where you are wrong! No big science behind this statement. While being wrong is human, being wrong and lying or being dishonest about it makes you unethical and questionable in all other areas of your life. You will be looked at as a person of good character and integrity. Character is what you are in the inner core of our soul. Character is the management of your own imperfections and the world around you.  How can one say they are truly walking with Christ and say they have changed all these other issues but are not willing learn, accept and change other issues about themselves they need to be delivered from? This alone will make nonbelievers turn away from Christ and have Christians question your validity of your acceptance of Christ. Stupid much?

Being wrong allows us to make adjustments to our thinking.

Being wrong does not mean you are less of a person. 

Being wrong will create opportunities for people to accept us as a person. 

Being wrong allows us to have a clean slate. 

Being wrong allows us to reflect.

Being wrong offers an opportunity for change (repentance). 

Being wrong shows us we’re human.

Being wrong shows everyone else we’re human.

Being wrong allows us to learn from our mistakes

Being wrong offers us valuable feedback.

Being wrong gives us a chance to make amends.

I have learned to be quick to admit I am wrong and then apologize for them. If I have offended someone, I will apologize even if I know without a shadow of a doubt, I wasn't wrong but my delivery of what I said may have been wrong, or I may say it wasn't my intention to offend, or do whatever it is necessary to right that situation with that person. 

Ive encountered those who view this stance as some kind of weakness on my part. Or that Im desperate for their friendship. Or this makes me some kind of doormat. Or an easy target. Or a people pleaser. Or I am weak. Or I am not strong. 

I am none of those things. 

There is nothing that shows more strength and humility in a person than for them to freely and unashamedly admit when they are wrong. Admitting being wrong is very spiritually freeing and frees you from so much spiritual bondage and strongholds. Admitting you are wrong can even lessen your punishment. Think about those who have made the news who went court denying everything under the sun then have the book thrown at them. Think also about those very few, who admitted they were wrong and their punishment was lessened.

Have you ever been in an argument with someone who will defend their position to the death even when their is credible proof their position or their way of thinking is just FLAWED?? There is this thing in management called, perception is reality. If a person perceives you have offended them, more than likely you have. It could have been your delivery, your body language, the curtness of your voice, your abrupt words, etc.. Nothing chaps my hyde more than for you to tell someone how they have offended you and instead of accepting responsibility or trying recognize what it is they have said or done that was offensive; they try to JUSTIFY them (defending their position to the DEATH) their offense by pointing out what it is you did to make them offend you in the first place. 

This is when I started living by and adhering to the following verse: 

Proverbs 26:4-5

Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him. Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes. 

This is when I stop talking. This is when I walk away and leave them with their falsely perceived self-righteous thoughts. This is when I can see in them, how I used to be, in not being able to recognize my own flaws nor be willing to accept how I was wrong, learn from it, and then apologize. 

Here is the thing about this admitting you are wrong thing, you do not get to pick and choose what it is you are actually wrong about. That's the equivalent to picking out which commandments you are going to choose to follow. It doesn't work that way. Sin is sin. 

And finally, being wrong allows us the opportunity to be right. 

And so on this Day 9 of gratitude, I am thankful for allowing the love of Christ to flow in me and through me by being quick to admit when I know I am wrong, to be able to learn from my wrong, sincerely apologize from it and apologize even if I unintentionally offended someone .

Sometimes, eating crow, isn't half bad. 

‎"And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." - Romans 12:2