Sunday, June 12, 2011

God Is Trying To Tell You Something, Are You Listening?

Another memory has once again come from nowhere...

I remember the first night when I moved in with Mister. I had a dream that shook me to my core... At this time I was 4 months pregnant and had not yet found out what the sex of my baby was going to be.

In the dream, I had a girl who looked just like me. And we were living in a 3 room apartment, walking to the bus stop and getting on a yellow and white bus. I couldn't see the clothes she had on but she had ponytails with blue and white barrettes. And of course, she was talking up a storm.

At the time I thought I was being fearful of living out my own childhood with my daughter. Repeating the pattern. Something I was/am very afraid of. I know now it was something entirely different.

So fast forward 3 years and MiniMe and are living in a 3 room apartment, and yes she looks just like me, and we walked that same route to the bus stop and we got on that yellow and white bus which is the Pace Suburban bus here in Chicago. Its her 1st day of me taking her to Pre-k3 school at a Catholic school from our new 3 room apartment, she has on a blue plaid jumper and blue and white barrettes. I remember being on the bus that day with the oddest sense of deja-vous...

It took a couple of days to pull the memory of that dream to the forefront of my brain, and once the remembrance of that dream came full circle, I sat there in horror in realization that my worse nightmare has indeed come true... I am having my daughter live out my own childhood, 3 room apt, on the bus and no money...

I now realize, some 4 years after that deja-vu moment the dream meant something entirely different. I realize now that God speaks to me in my dreams (because Im too stubborn to listen while Im awake). Here I thought in my fleshly mind that I had dreams that told the future when in fact my dreams was God warning me about a course of action that I have taken or He is guiding me in a manner about my life in which I need clarity.

At that time, I was greatly concerned about shacking up with Mister... everyone has those certain sins that we simply will not cross the line on, and for me living with a man I wasn't married to was up there with murder, stealing & adultery... something I never thought I would do.

Im not going into all the details with Mister. Those of you who have followed me over the years know the story, but at that very moment in time Mister had yet to fully shed his sheep clothing and expose himself as the wolf he is. However, when reflecting back on that particular dream God was telling me...

"Pack yo stuff up gal and go now while the getting is good for this is where you will end up!!!"

When God speaks to you, there is a certain amount of conviction you feel, you know for certain what you are suppose to do. When I woke up from that dream I looked at Mister with horror, knowing I should pack my stuff back up at that very moment and haul tail outta there! However, I came to what I thought was my senses (my allowing the enemy to deceive me) and figured this was me having a moment about my fear of living my childhood over as an adult.

If only I had listened.... but at the very least I learned some very important and good lessons. So I suppose it wasn't a complete waste.
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