Monday, December 29, 2008

The Queen of Getting One's Panties in a bunch.... smh @ myself LOL

Sooooooo, today was the day of reckoning.  I went to the financial aid office to find out how on earth they overpaid me by 1500 big ones.  Sooo, i was seen by some Asian chick (the race will be relevant later lol) who kept trying to explain to me that THEY didn't make a mistake.  Since I graduated in December my financial aid award changed. ok. i get that. but uhhhhh yall have known that since August soooo, how isn't it your fault again??? So then she got frustrated with me (cuz I wasn't letting up) and said lets talk about the paralegal in the spring and money for that and then i said. Can't talk about something I can't register for now can we????  I then said, I already know from my visit here in September about my reward for spring and I also know I will have a balance that I have to pay of a grand, HOWEVER, I can't pay for that grand plus the 1500 you guys over paid me so what else is there for us to talk about unless you about to tell me something different. So then this chick had the nerrrrve to say....

"well you did just received x amount of dollars"

and???????????? what in the shit does that have to do with the price of tea in China??? I used that money to pay bills since I only worked 2.5 days a week!!!

So then she got a little stoic. more like non-flipping-chalant and I don't remember what she said but I know I was ready to knock her slant eyes straight (i told you lol and yes that was my actual thought) when I said yanno what? stop pacifying me and get me somebody who is over you who can FIX THIS.
and I got up and stormed off...

Soooo, after i got an appointment (sucks teeth) to see the director next week (*sighs) I went to the bursar and told them what happened and the lady said that no, I wouldnt be able to register until the bill is paid.  But she was nice enough to give me the number to the person in collections to see if I could work something out. 

So then I went to the lounge and got on the puter for a sec.  then I left and went to the 7/11.  As I was walking to the store, I was really really REALLY distraugt. I am like what am i gonna do? I am gonna be stuck at this store for another damn Christmas!!! And the thought of that is enough to send me over the edge by itself!!!!  This meant I would have to sit this semester out, try and pay off the bill and then enroll in the fall. Something I didnt want to do because first, I want to be in a new job by fall, second, i vowed that minime wasn't going to be dealing with me in school during her first grade year and prolly not until high school will i attempt my masters, and third, I aint gonna be able to move out of this place (chicago, to hell with moving out the apartment LOL)!!!!  So all of this is going through my mind. all while I am walking. All while I am picking out my junk food for the night.  I mean I was in despair and on the verge of tears! To the point of doubting what my purpose is suppose to be in life.

As I go to pay for my goods, I realize that both of my debit cards are missing.


So i retrace my steps and go back to the school. Ask the lady at the receptionist desk and she said she had seen nada.

So I prayerfully went back to the financial aid office hoping and praying that they are still there for it is now after hours.  I look through the glass and see the VP and was like yessss!!!!

So he comes to the door and i ask if anyone had seen my debit cards and he says yes come on in.

Soo as I am waiting and he is searching trying to figure out what the secretary had done with them all the while he is busy fussing at me. He goes and finds someone else to help look and never stops fussing and was like why isnt it in your wallet? And I reply I was just kinda distraught as to why and how you guys overpaid me. So the lady says are you RLM and i am like yesssss and she says dont worry about it I took care of it.
  Whaaaa?? HOw so? So then she started telling me about how she how I  stormed out of that chick's cubicle and that I kinda scared her and the students back there (yeah I remember the looks on their faces in hindsight lol) and she inquired as to what happened and pulled my file.  Well, it was their mistake. Actually hers. And she said she was sorry. that yes, the university knew when I was graduating and yes it was on my fafsa report and that it was actually HER mistake and for that she apologizes.

I was just like thank you and the tears flowed and I attempted to explain how I am trying to do everything right and how I keep getting obstacle after obstacle and how I really just couldnt take another thing and to tell the Chinese girl that I was sorry. LOLOLOL And I gave the lady a hug and just said thank you sooo much, cuz you dont know what I have been through.

First, it pays to be a dingbat. *whistling*
Second, I gotta stop reacting in such a manner that I go from one emotional extreme to another. Shoot, that is too much like bi-polarism and there is one to many of them in my immediate circle.
Third, the most important thing ever, I have got to learn to let go and let God. I am HORRIBLE about it. I just can't trust for Him or anybody else to have my back and it took for me to realize how losing my debit cards led me right back to that financial aid office to find out that problem had been resovled let me know just how powerful and how much in control God is. Everytime I get myself all in a state about something he always comes and fixes things. Most times, I dont even realize it until days later.

and what is even more amazing? LOLOLOL

I didnt think about it until after I was on the train home and I was like DAMMIT, I hope she didnt take money from next semester's aid to pay for it just to release my records!!!  Well sure nuff, after I got home and was sharing my testimony on the phone, I looked online and saw she used the university's money to fix it! *whew*  Hadn't made it half way home before I doubted God's power, mercy and his will be done. I know my purpose in life. It took 35 years and a lot of near heart failure, but I finally got it.

Sunday, December 28, 2008


Mister done lost his damn mind. Now, I am not one to rip on what he gets her for Christmas, ESPECIALLY since her gifts (except for clothes) stay down there with him.  Soo, he gets her some kinda cupcake maker. Which was fine. The Queen's Mother told me that MiniMe asked Santa for one of these when she saw one. and i was like WHATEVAHHH. That shit aint coming up in here! LMAO  So I was talking to Misterrr today and DAMNED if he didnt say he was sending it up here with me! I was like


Do I really look like I got that kinda room????

100_0045 100_0046

So he was like, I didn;t know I was gonna have to be fooling with her helping her make the cupcakes!


He made ONE and was through!

When he asked me what was a cupcake maker i was like I don't know, I don't plan on getting one it some kinda EasyBake oven kinda deal that ain't happening in my house!!!!

He betttssss keep that shit down there with him, thats all i gotta say. LMAO

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Graduation proofs

I will post the bigger ones once I am emailed my actual proofs.

I fell and busted my ass...

This was good shit. I swear. I wish I had my camera with me yesterday. lmaooo

As I walked out of the apartment yesterday morning, the ground was looking awfully shiny. lmaooo

So I step my foot out to test the waters to see if that was really ice and off i went.


down on my ass. shit. i couldnt even brace myself for impact cuz I wasn't expecting to go down quite so suddenly. lmaoo I was grasping for what nothing?  there was nothing around for me to hold on to! lmaooo

So then, I then i manage to halfway get up and...


down I went again. lmaooo

tried again and


This shit was getting ridiculous.  Here I wasn't even 10 feet from the door and I have fallen 3 times down the porch that consists of 2 concrete steps.

Sooo, I rolled my big ass over on the icy ground and made it to the snow.  To which I finally was able to stand up.

then i face a dilemma.

more fucking ice.

soooo, i attempted to jump across the sidewalk to another bank of snow (really the grass covered with snow) and...


down I went again.

So then I kinda sat there and looked and considered my options.

Attempt to go back to the apartment and try to go back up two icy ass steps with nothing to hold on to....

or go fiend my way to the bus stop. so I jumped snow banks rather successfully and approached the street. the street looked like a sheet of glass. NO JOKE. lmaoo

somehow, i made it across making small, iddy bitty steps. made it all the way to the bus stop without further incident. waited an 1.5 hour for the bus.  the only reason why I didn't call off cuz i wouldn't have gotten my holiday pay for yesterday.

shit on them! lmao

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

woooooooo hooooooooooooo!!!!!!

I got unexpected good news. Cuzzz, I wasn't expecting to get my grades because thanks to financial aid, my records and degree is on hold.

But I got 2A's and a B++++!!!!!

The graduation ceremony didn't mean shit! well it did, but it is NOW official!


Multiply gonna make me lose my flippin mind...

....and Lord knows I need what little I got left.

But uhhhhhhhhhh..........

somebody tell me sumffin. whats this new deal with the comments??? why are they staggered? why is it when i click on the new comments I am not taken to the bottom of the blog????

How in the shitty fuck am I suppose to keep up with the latest replies if I gotta look through all the comments?

Whats this shit about????

Is there a way to change the settings???? Laaaaaawd knows I have looked.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Putting my pen down for a while...

Soooooo, today I graduated. and that felt good.

I get back to my mother's house and checked my email and Mister done emailed me that he isn't coming tonight to get MiniMe, he will be in tomorrow evening.

I am suppose to work tomorrow and I gotta call in YET again. I couldn't wait to get through with classes so I could go back to work fulltime and what has happened in the last 3 weeks? I have had to call of on what is about to be my 3rd occassion in 3 weeks. my 3rd occassion of not getting a full paycheck like I anticipated. I had to call my job tonight, bawling in frustration cuz I can't come in tomorrow in the height of retail's busiest season. Somehow or 'nother, he does this shit in some way, shape form or fashion EVERY year.

to add insult to injury, today while sitting my mother's house, I was looking at MiniMe's recent school pic and asked my mother what happened to my school pics when I was 5. She then told me that she got rid of them when I sent her a dirty email during the custody battle with Mister.


I then asked is that what happened to the jewelry I bought her for Christmas back in 1996 (it was a blue topaz set in 14k gold crucifix necklace with matching earrings and bracelet that ran me about $400) and she said yes. she threw that out too.

the email in question was about how all she could do for me in my custody battle with Mister was pray for me and in a very wordy, queenlike email, I told her she could keep her damn prayers. it was gonna take more than prayers for me to get MiniMe back. there is a whole lot more to this story, but that would require you to read the first blog because I can't begin to tell that story again all I can say is I would never disrespect my mother, however, I am not and wasn't then going to continue to be my mother's punching bag.

I am absolutely stunned that she threw out 400 bucks worth of jewelry. i mean, she has gotten mad before and thrown out smaller gifts but I would never imagine in a million years that she would do that with the jewelry.

I will never buy her anything else for as long as I shall live.

I remember when I was a card, i gave her a mother's day card. Two days later when I got my report card and received two C's she tore the card in half and wrote me a note signing it with just her first name.

So I should have known.

What kind of mother does that? I am asking you????

A year ago, I wrote a blog about my moms, it was a releasing it through the pen moment, in which I said some pretty unfavorable things about her. not disrespectful, so much as venting my frustrations about our relationship.

and in return I got a blog written about me, talking about me like I was the lowest of the low because I vented my frustrations.

Well, if you are gonna sit in judgment of me, then hit the delete button. do me the favor. Until you have walked 10 steps in the abusive relationship that is me and moms, then you have NO idea what I am going through.

It is the holiday time. and I am going to be alone. I gave up my turn for Christmas with my daughter cuz I don't have a babysitter up until Christmas Day.

My relationship with my godparents/family at this point is irrevocable. I sooo want to know what I have done so wrong that they got sooo mad at me.  Most of this has to do with the fact that they think I am using them. That i only ask them and not my mother and that I am lying on my mother.  That is their old-fashioned way of thinking I guess, because they can't fathom a mother who doesn't help their only child with their only child. They said they weren't going to help me with babysitting unless my mother does what they consider to be her fair share.  They do have a point. They are afterall, in their late 70s. Alot of what is going on over there is fueled by the younger Godsister, and that is a whole ;'nother blog right there.

But they ought to know my mother by now, they have known her longer than I have been alive.

I have been through different blogs, reading people's favorite and memorable Christmas's and it is making me sad. Sad because I don't really have those kind of memories. And good Christmas's I had was usually followed by my mother destroying my gifts because of a poor grade or for leaving a fork in the sink.

I am tired of feeling like the party pooper, so I aint been saying much on blogs. My sense of humor has taken a nose dive.

I have been crying for the last 4 hours or so, since I last talked to Misterrr. My poor, sweet baby, keeps saying to me to not cry, don't cry Mommy, it's YOUR graduation day. She keeps coming up to me and hugging me, looking sad and trying to cover me with her blankie so that I feel better.

Although I am thrilled to death about my degree, it too has come with an unexpected price.  Come to find out, the financial aid department overpaid me by 2K. This is gonna really severely impede my ability to get my paralegal certification. I was already gonna owe a grand after the loans paid out, but that will put me up to 3K.

I most certainly understand about Holiday blues. I understand why suicides go up. this is a very depressing time of year for those of us who don't have anyone to share the holidays with. I keep holding out, hoping I will meet someone or make some new friends. Hoping year by year, the holidays will get better for me.  Yeah, they say that it is all about making the best of the situation, I have done that now for quite a while and it seems like every year it is getting worse.

Nobody wants to keep clicking on a person's page and keep seeing the same depressing shit being talked about.  So, I have decided, I am going to put down my pen for now and not blog until things get better and I have more happier things to write about. 

I need to find me somebody to talk to. I know I am not the only one to go through things, but sometimes, it most certainly feels that way.

I know one thing, I HAVE to leave Chicago, for the good of the last bit of sanity I got left.


Thursday, December 18, 2008

This chile of minessss... I swearsss...

First, she lost her sweater on Monday.

Then she turned around and lost another sweater on Tuesday.

Somehow or 'nother, she managed to make it through Wednesday and not  lose anything.

Sooo, today, as the Christmas program at her school was drawing to a close...

Her teacher assistant came and found me in the audience and wanted to know if I had any of Taylor's belongings, to which I replied, what did she lose now???

The assistant hesitantly told me with a combination look on her face between laughter and concern for Taylor's safety quietly informed me that Her Grace lost ONE boot.

How in the shitty fuck does one lose ONE boot???

So I said, I am watching the show. I will be in there to deal with Her Grace.

I had to let her little ass STEW for a minute. and STEW she did cuz honaaaaaaaay, when I said the look on her face was one of sheer horror....


I know I ought not be laffing, but I got to cuz I am PISSED!!!!

I know she is five,

I know she is five.

I know she is five.

I have to keep saying this until I believe it.

I know she is five.

I know she is five.

But fuckin AAAAA!!!!! I just bought them boots!!! 30 friggin bucks dude!!! and that is a SHIT LOAD OF MONEY for ME to spend on some mickey fickey shoes for a 5 year old, but guess what?

That is the cheapest I have found them! And that is flippin PAYLESS!!!!!


I aint got money for no friggin BOOTS!!!!!

And it is not like i can make her go without, we in  Chicago on the bus!!!

I know she is five.

I know she is five.

I know she is five.

I know she is five.

Sooooooooo, we had to come home with her wearing a shoe and a boot, cuz the OTHER shoe, the sole partially came off today and that bitch is just-a flappin. So she couldn't very well go home with THAT  on now could she???

I know she is five.

I know she is five.

Queen, it doesn't matter that she is a SMART five.

I know she is ONLY five.

Fortunately, we got a ride.

I know she is five.

I know she is five.

I know she is five.

I know she is five....

oh, and in all the confusion of looking for her boot, I left my purse.



Monday, December 15, 2008


is anybody else having problems with Mozilla???

I lost my bookmark tabs and cant click a button without it going to non responding mode.

Can anybody help me on this???

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Shoes Thrown at Bush in Iraq during News Conference

oh Godddddddddd, help me Jesus! *howwwwwwwling

First of all, that journalist got one hell of an aim.

Second, Bush sure does know how to duck!

Third, how many times they gonna show it in one clip????????????






I swear I can't make this shit up! I just CAN'T!!!!!

 Angry Typing

What galls me. what really galls me is this fucker really thinks I am gonna sit by and go down.

Everytime I turn around, this fucker got a new trick up his ass.

I am tired of being nice. I have more than bent over backwards for his ass.

All in the name of trying to prove that I wasn't trying to keep his daughter from him.

Well fuck me then.

I just got more bankruptcy papers from his ass.

he is trying to sabatoge me. thats all I can think of. WTF???

Soooo, let me have any kind of repercussions on this. and I will be calling whoever it is I got to call to tell him how Misterrr illegally changed his SSN and birthday so he can get his Ga license. the last one was suspended and revoked beyond repair. he still owes the state of GA THOUSANDS of dollars.

Lets not talk about the years and years  he used somebody else's kids to file his taxes with.

he bets quit fucking with me.


Friday, December 12, 2008

easy come....

another one bites the dust....

that will be the last time i get excited about somebody. i dont understand game. i dont have the mental faculties or capacity to understand it. dont present yourself as one way and turn out to be another and then when I say something about it, tell me that i assumed or misunderstood.


no more. i am done. thats bout all i can handle.

I gave it a shot only because I wasnt looking for it and it was unexpected.

i am gonna keep rejoicing my singlehood.

Shit like this, makes   me feel worthless and unlovable. 

i know rejection is a normal part of life but how much is too much?  is there such a thing as too much??

No more hope, cuz it always leads to disappointment.

And I am gonna stick with what I know.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

an open heart.....

You ever have that funny feeling come over you???

you feel it in your heart....

I can never describe it, the best word I can come up with is...


almost a hurting, breathless kinda yearning....

that yearning that one has, when one has when an unexpected yet flaming desire takes over one's heart...

my heart feels open, which is rare... I am one who is usually rigid, one who has their guard up.

One who puts three bricks up for every brick that one tries and takes down...

patience is what is lacking in most men these days...

It will take a God fearing man, with the patience of Job...

and the persistence of God to deal with me...

a little about me, I am loyal and believe in my role as a woman...

i believe in the man taking the lead and if necessary I will step up to the plate in your down times....

but I have the greatest fear that someone will take my submission as me being a fool...

and a fool I am not...

sometimes you feel something that you don't expect...

from someone you haven't met...

and that is enough to spook my scary behind far away...

and make me run for those ever lovin hills...

it is rare that a man won't wig me out in one conversation...

and that is a man I find worth getting to know...

I wasn't looking for this...

you kinda snuck up on me...

so, consider yourself lucky. LOLOL

you have my curiousity and interest peaked...

Thursday, December 4, 2008

well, ya'll were right about ONE thing!!!

this damn semester went by quick!!!!!

I just did my last Thursday night traveling out to no man's land!!!


But, I still got 4 papers to write. and a final to take! But he is letting me take it downtown Chicago with a proctor and thank God for email so I can just send my assignments in!!!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Doug's Campaign Celebration HeadQuarters - Crazy Christmas Shoppers Should Be Shot...
the situation behind this is not funny, but the delivery, have mercy!

Welcome to Cy's WonderWorld!     - What are you afraid of? Get your butt up!

Loneliness is contagious right????

Translucence Eddie had  blog up about how people dont want to deal with you, because the dispare and loneliness that a person shows may be feared to be contagious.

Great Scots, that struck a nerve with me...

I am soo ever fearful, that this loneliness, dis-associative, asocial personality that seems to run through my familyb will afflict my daughter....

I try my best to make sure that Taylor is exposed to other people so she dont get whatever it is that i missed growing up...

I spent most of my childhood, virtually locked up in my bedroom.... Not literally, but we lived in  a 3 room apartment and i had the bedroom, my mother had the living room, and she had up a curtain dividing the area that goes from my bedroom leading to the living room. since i had to go through the living room to get to the kitchen, i was made to knock on the the wall, and wait for my mother to tell me I can come through...

My point in all of this, somewhere in this very isolated environment, i didnt learn how to be around people. how to act. how to show i am appreciative. I grew up in survival mode and it seems like, i can't seem to get out of survival mode.  and when you are constantly in survival mode....

i dont know how to describe it....

i went to my godparents for the weekend...

and damn, if i didnt get my ass chewed, because i didnt 'bring' anything  a dish or whatever or do anything to help.

Hmmmm, lets evaluate this. I asked, twice, if they needed me to bring anything both time they said no.

No means no right???

these are old time southern folks who one can never achieve that ever elusive ability to be clean enough to cook for them....

so, i do what i always do for the holidays and clean up, make all the take home plates and put all the food away. but because they decided to use paper plates this year, that didn't mean shit.

i stayed at my godparents house (the baby was at the godsisters) and again, offered to help to with something to which i was told there was nothing to do, cuz i have been down this i should do something anywaysss... so i mopped the kitchen floor and cleaned the bathroom, my godparents are in their 80s and my other godsister wont do it.

but, they jumped down my throat cuz i left the ice cream lid somewhere it wasnt suppose to be and now  i dont ever pick up behind myself.

now, i am a user. i dont listen. i will step on who i need to step on and hurt who needs to be hurt to get what i need to get done.  i should have done things like they said i should. what was my hurry with completing school? i need to find somebody else to pay to watch the baby on the evening and weekends. even if it means leaving her at a strangers house.

i am sorry, this goes back to dont recommend me to do soemthing that isn't good enough for you to do. if you would not have dared to take your grands to a strangers house to be watched, dont be mad at me because i am trying to avoid that at all costs.

I am sorry, i need friends, family, siblings, cousins SOMEBODY!!!!

I am tired of being by myself. doing it all by myself. trying to figure it out by myself. i am tired of being in survival mode.

are my people skills that fucked up???

doesnt no mean no????

why say no if that is not what you mean????

I am thinking about Mister right now. I am revisiting that possibility.

I am tired of crying. my eyes hurt. my head hurts. my voice wont come back. my baby keeps asking me what is wrong. i dont have an answer besides it is not her fault.

but i dont what her to miss whatever it is that i missed in terms of relationships with people.

i dont want to miss whatever it is i missed and not have friends, or a husband.

I don't want her to catch whatever I caught that makes me an unintended loner.

thats what i know.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

What I am thankful for....

I am thankful for knowing what type of mother not to be...

i am thankful for knowing what type of friend to not be....

I am thankful for my struggles for I will be appreciative of when times will be easy...

I am thankful for Mister, for I know what type of man to stay away from....

I am thankful for all the no's, for i am grateful for A yes....

I am thankful for all of the material possessions I have lost, for I am appreciative of my meager belongings....

(Ionknow, the jury still out on this one, LOLOLOL, I am still pretty sore about my coach purses LOLOLOL)

I am thankful for the disappointment from friends and family, for it makes me especially appreciative and gracious to accept kindness from strangers....

I am thankful for being a late bloomer, for if I wasn't, I wouldn't have the life experience or have critical reasoning skills that is needed to do what I want to do....

I am thankful for every time i run for a train or bus and miss it, especially when i have laundry, for it teaches me patience and how to let shit go and how to not sweat the small stuff and to not get upset for  shit i cant control....

I am thankful for friends who fill me with disgust and forget where they came from for it teaches me how not to act once I am successful....

I am thankful for being a single mother, for it taught me to not be judgmental of others who find themselves in single parenthood...

I am thankful for being a victim of domestic violence for it has taught me a wealth of information that it is not always easy to "just leave"....

I am thankful for almost losing custody of my daughter for it has made me cherish her in way unimaginable....

I am thankful for not being able to purchase a cup of water on credit, for once I get myself financially secure I will appreciate what it means to be more financially responsible...

I am thankful for being kicked out of the so called popular online group, for it taught me to not be concerned about the quantity of friends, but the quality and that the ever elusive popular people are not all they are cracked up to be...

I am thankful for being able to curb my own habit of 'keeping it real' because sometimes, it is about needing to get the message across without being offensive, for if you are so offensive, the message is lost...

I am thankful for every Thursday night me and MiniMe got home from my class at midnight, for I will cherish and appreciate my degree just that much more....

I am thankful for flunking out of school the first time and for having the courage to go back, for I learned I am not as stupid as I thought....

and finally....

I am thankful for people not being the friend to me that I have been to others, for it teaches me to not expect for people to do what I would do...

Michael Vick pleads to state dogfighting charge - NFL - Yahoo! Sports
whaddya think of this????

Monday, November 24, 2008


No showing, advertising, displaying, decorating, singing, swinging or getting merry like christmas until AFTER Santa has made his appearance at the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade!!! Got it??? Good!!!!

"Friendship" A holiday message from The Obamas

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Thursday, November 20, 2008


  Do you support the death penalty???

if so, can you explain to me is the death penalty worth innocent people, or shall i say, the wrongfully convicted,  losing their lives??? 

if you are for it, why or why not?

If you are against it, why or why not?

i am not trying to pick an argument, i am just trying to get a better understanding of peoples views.  please.... be respectful of different view points.

my thing is, the whole thing is based upon the potential of human error.  The Jury. yeah, there are some cases that are open and shut, but are those being rightfully put to death worth the lives who are wrongfully convicted just so the sociopaths get what they deserve?

Commentary: Why would parents give up hope for their kids? -
Could you? would you?? for those who have followed me know that i most certainly can understand it. read the article before commenting.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I just.... can't heppp myself

Every year I wonder how Imma out do the last year's Christmas.  Last year it was the damn princess castle. Spend 100 bucks on that just for it to come in my store this year for $39.99...

so as I am perusing the internet and I come upon the disney princess kitchen....

and I already have this on layaway at work. it came in for 49.99.

the funny thing about this is that if you look at the first picture, she already has a vanity, that thing with the star on it.  but i saw this and was like i gotta get this!!! She loves everything Ariel!!!!

but, i aint gonna mention, she already has a kitchen too! *hangs head*  see, the ocd moment in me is that everything has got to match!!!


Somali Pirates Tell Their Side - They Want Only Money -
I didn't know this is going on. I will be back later to weigh in!

Women's Restroom LMAOOOOO We have all been there...

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.

You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR! ), yank down your pants, and assume ' The Stance.'

In this position your aging, toneless, thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN
there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.  It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.'

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you toilet paper under the door!!!!!!!!

Translucence - The Secret Wound

Monday, November 17, 2008

The QUEEN strikes again....

yanno, it takes a real dumb, simpleton, idiotic, space cadet of a mofo-ette to go buy some cucumbers knowing full and damn well I didn't have a cutting knife.  I had the same one knife in this camp that i moved here with 2 years ago and that bitch finally broke on me about two weeks ago.  Now, the beauty of this is, is that i have been to a Walmart at least a dozen and 3 times in the last two weeks and one would think my simple ass would have remembered to buy one or two.  So here I was tonight, peeling and cutting a cucumber with a damn butter knife.


My hand hurts....

Saturday, November 15, 2008

I am tired.... (edit in comments)

<disclaimer: this is a pity blog>

I am tired of writing these kind of blogs... but i am tired. 

for my drugs and crime class, i have to go to an AA, CA and a NA meetings.

I already took MiniMe to the AA meeting, it was a meeting just for women so I was like, that ought not be too bad, it will be only women and maybe a kid or two. who knows.  BUT, i know they held back because of the kid being present.

Now for the cocaine and narcotics meeting, i had no intentions of taking her.  trying to get to meeting classified as "open" is tricky, cuz they only come up at certain times of the month and there is only ONE narcotics meeting that i can actually get to effectively by bus this month and it is at 9pm. 
so we talking about a late at night meeting of former/current drug addicts at a halfway house that is 1.5 hours away on bus and train.

all i am thinking about is the kind of derelicts that are hanging out there.

and coming back on a Saturday night with a kid.

my mother was suppose to watch her and she calls me and asks me if my friend would watch her for 20 bucks. and i am like she makes over 40K, she could care less about 20 bucks.

my mother says that she had her adult only card game at church and she is in too much pain to have to keep up with a kid. all she wants to do after her game go home, pop some pills and go to bed. did i mention this is at night and taylor would be sleep?

i am not begrudging the fact that she is in pain, but it is not like taylor is that kind of kid and I DID ask her in advance.

so i asked my friend and she said i was REALLY asking alot. 
i cant ask my god-family cuz they tired of being the only ones helping.

in my delerium, i seriously thought about leaving her here by herself. i can't believe i am saying that outloud. but i REALLY didn't want her to go to this meeting and I really HAVE to go for class, i have to write a paper about all three.

and no, i am not gonna leave her here, but i seriously understand WHY some single mothers judgement have gotten clouded and have done so.

i am tired of blogging depressing shit. crying, being depressed. wishing i never came back to chicago.  every time things start looking up... man oh man

its like my a different friend said depend on myself.  do what i have to do. even if that means taking my daughter to cocaina dnd narcotics meetings.

i am really trying hard to keep my head up. i really am. but it is getting hard. the closer i get, the hard it is for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

i have cried, i have blogged, now i have to get us ready to go.

*trying really, really, REALLY hard to keep my head up*

I already know the answer to this BUT....

so, graduation is approaching me and people are putting the grad school buzz in my ear.

dayum, can i get through the paralegal certification in the spring???

I mean, at least half of a dozen are telling me to push straight forward with it, get it over with, cuz me being me, i aint gonna be satisfied with just a bachelors.

sooooo, a friend of mine was telling me about the University of Cincinnati graduate program in criminology and the beauty of this is is that it is fully online. so, no matter where i go i can still study...

but i am wondering how much of a break i should give myself.

and me being me, i like to get shit done in a hurry, lmaoooo

i fast tracked my bachlors.

about to fast track the paralegal program by doing what is typically a 1-2 year program down to 18 weeks. lmaoooo

now, this school offers the masters in criminology in a year.  16 classes in 4 terms in one year. *whew*

but, they do offer it in 2 years, but if imma do it, i wanna be finished RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

i must be a glutton for punishment. lmaooo

So what is the question???? I am not quite sure!!! LMAOO

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Gang's 'chief enforcer' gets 40 years in prison :: CHICAGO SUN-TIMES :: Metro & Tri-State,gang-ellis-disciples-chicago111108.article
adios amigos

Thousands pay respects to family killed in crash :: Herald News :: News,4_1_JO12_FUNERAL_S1.article
This made me cry today.

Ode to the laptop...

Oh laptop, oh laptop

how i will miss thee

i have to take it back you see

shit, who am i kidding??? i am not a poetry writer.

but i did sumffin foolish, i knew i couldn't afford it when i bought it....

i even bought it refurbished, trying to save money....

but a chicken has come home to roost.....

i was hoping it wouldn't

that it would be taken care of...

but never-the-less

that chicken is roosting rather loudly...

oh the convenience of a traveling computer!!!!

one day dear laptop!

ONE DAY!!!!!!

*hangs head*

Monday, November 10, 2008

From one extreme to another....

Now, as many of you may know I have been smoke free now for almost 7 weeks. or is it 6?

Anywayssss, I had the most pleasurable of pleasures of being relentlessly plugged up do to giving up smokes and coffee at the same time...

Fortunately, that situation for the most part worked itself out. I never made it to regular, but I wasn't plugged up either...

Now the cup runneth over....

You see, back before I started smoking 10 years ago, I had severe stomach acid.  They never could diagnose me with either acid reflux or ulcers because of the range of symptoms I had.

Most food caused me the worse acidic belches one could ever imagine...

The belches smelled worse than the gas....

Most times, I couldn't keep food IN my stomach....

What I could keep IN would liquefy and within an hour or two, it came out the other way...

The sound of my stomach was very loud, especially after I had eaten...

There was a nonstop pain and burning sensation in my stomach that was just absolutely unimaginable....

I couldn't drink alcohol and lost about 40-50 pounds.

See, what had happened was, I used to be very external in dealing with stress.  Once I realized that snapping on people wasn't always the best thing to do, I started to internalize EVERYTHING.

And then suddenly...


it went away...

Now, it is back with a vengeance. 

I am now realizing that smoking is how I dealt with stress and now that I am not smoking, the stomach is taking a hit.

A very bad one at that.

I have been having this acidic belching now for about two weeks.  The more I had them, the more scared I became because I knew what was coming....

Well, on Saturday, we went to the Cheesecake factory (still deciding if I am gonna blog about that *rolls eyes*) and was up all that night until the morning.  The pain, my God, I forgot how bad it could be.  I was on the verge of asking The Queen's Mother and debating the odds if she would actually take me to emergency room....

And it has been on and popping ever since....

I didn't eat anything on Sunday and I just ate an hour ago and have already visited Mr. Porcelain. 

Pills, Mylanta, pepto, none of that shit works... That is what baffled to docs the most.

The only thing that works is to abstain from food and most liquids....


Anybody got any plugs???

Welcome to Cy's WonderWorld!     - No Mistress Material---You're beautiful
for all you who couldnt access it on 360....

Friday, November 7, 2008

Oh Dear God NOOOOO!!!!!

I look like a graduating jabba da hut! *sniffles*

sooo, today's my birthday...

I typically dont make a big hullabaloo over my birthday.

I have had a birthday party once when I was 5 and that is it.  When I lived in Minnesota, my friends and I would go live it up for my birthday, those were great times.

Since I have moved to Chicago, the birthday situation, and yes it is indeed a situation, has gotten more uncomfortable than anything.  there is usually some shared birthday combo dinner with my grandfather, mother and stepfather. a dinner filled with being uncomfortable and forced conversation.

my mother is really out done with grandfather telling me I couldn't use his computer to finish my paper cuz it may become a habit....

Apparently, no one else can can make me feel like shit but her! LMAOOO

So she spared me this year of the dinner! *whew*

Every birthday, I say, next year will be better. I am gonna have a blast, gonna have loads of friends to celebrate with and every year, guaranteed, here i sit. LMAOO

One day, it will happen. I wont be stuck in this house, and I will be patient.

I think I need to stop equating my success to how many people I know and socialize with.

This year will be the last year in which I won't be degreed, and for that, I am extremely happy about.

I finally quit smoking, and I am happy for that as well.

It would be nice if I could get me some, but alas, his license is suspended. pfffffffffft

All in all, it is not too bad. I usually spend the day in tears, crying and bawling my eyes out and this year I am alright. Feeling pretty good actually.

Thanks everybody for the birthday wishes, you all almost made me feel popular! LMBOOOOO



quote of the day!

I can see the moon from my backyard, but that don't make me an astronaut!!! ~~ Steve Harvey LMAOOOO

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


Signed, Sealed, Delivered Im Yours - Stevie Wonder

Employers not heeding call to close early for Obama rally - Chicago Breaking News

QOTD: How did your vote go???

I voted last Thursday, I waited 4 hours to early vote so I wouldn't have to worry about it today.

MiniMe's schools is a polling place, and the principle got spooked at the potential for chaos today, so he canceled school today. , That really went over well at work. LMAO I laugh but Imma be out of a job in a minute! lmaoo It is kind of funny though, my job is located downtown Chicago, in the heart of where the big party is going to be. The mayor asked all businesses to close early, as a security precaution and so people can get the hell out of downtown and my store is remaining open.

I guess the potential for making money with maybe 100,000 people descending upon downtown Chicago is just too much to pass by.

Anywaysss,  Mom went at 5:45 this morning, was in the front part of the line and was done 20 minutes  after the polls opened at 6.

When she left, the line was halfway down the block and my grandfather was at the end of the line.

So, how did it go when you voted???  Was it quick, or a long wait???

I am sure it was pretty quick for this guy... LOL

Supreme Court to hear FCC appeal over dirty words
While we are all focused in on the election, the Supreme Court is slated to hear about the censorship of television, specifically, non cable stations.

whaddya think? should non cable television remain censored since cable tv is relatively uncensored. keep in mind, cable is in 9 out of 10 households.


That Elizabeth *girl* is an idiot. did anybody just see that whole little exchange?

The Queen's Graduation

Start:     Dec 19, '08 1:00p
Location:     Auditorium Theater
I graduate today!!!

Sunday, November 2, 2008

OK, so tell me if I was trippin
i know i get a little high strung sometimes....

so maybe it is me,

maybe i read too much into what he said...

but something about trying to "pinpoint" the location of some kids just didnt sit right with me...

another friend of mine said i was trippin, but, to his defense, he is a male... LOL

i aint looking for cosigners....

just wanting to know if I have become too cynical already...

but I aint gonna tell ya'll that he sent me a picture of a location that is literally right down the street,,,

*sitting on hands*

Yanno,i done figured out why I am having a PARTICULARLY hard time writing my paper this semester:NO SMOKES. Sitting at the computer, smoking and writing a paper went hand in hand.

Can somebody pass me a cigarette please????

I lie, cuz, I have to admit, I tried to smoke one two weeks ago and oh GOD it hurt sooo bad! BUt sometimes, I wish I could be like some people who can smoke one or two a day without feeling the need to smoke the whole pack.

But right now, I can't concentrate!

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Friday, October 31, 2008