Friday, October 25, 2013

A Different Kind of Warfare for My Mind

For a long time, I was in warfare for my mind. Fighting to release and beat depression. With God's help, I had to snatch my mind away the enemy and beat depression for once and for all. In the last 12 months, I have been to hell and back and thankful to have been able to keep my joy and not get depressed despite the hurt and disappointment I had experienced from people.

I went into my kitchen this morning to heat my coffee in the microwave and discovered a surprise. Apparently, earlier this week I was hungry and decided to heat up a slice of pizza and forgot about it. Imagine my surprise when I opened the microwave door and saw this days old pizza. This is the one part of narcolepsy I wish I could get rid of: Microsleep episodes. That is a period in which your brain goes to sleep and your body is still awake and you go on *auto pilot* and it is more likely occur doing routine or monotonous tasks and it usually starts in the early afternoon and lasts until bedtime.
This is probably the one thing
that in the past prior to and post diagnosis, I receive the most criticism about. Going into someone's kitchen and leaving stuff out or cabinet doors and kitchen drawers open and usually, I have no recollection about doing so. Something about the kitchen just puts me on automatic behavior. People think I am either nasty or careless and no one understands that I don't do it on purpose and I am usually horrified that Ive done so [like when I saw the pizza in my microwave LOL] and then I get pissed off when someone jumps down my throat about it and I know they don't understand, not trying to understand or better yet, not trying to claim that for me. 

It doesn't matter where I am, Ive done it in a school setting when I left a box of plastic silverware out and I did it at my mother's house which led me to being put out of her house. Apparently, some family members didn't understand it the way they claimed they did, they were only concerned about how my presence was going to affect them, and no, I am not talking about my mother. BTW, the more stressed I am put under about stopping my 'nasty and careless ways' the more likely it is to occur.

Microsleep episodes often occur at work, especially after lunch [I have to be careful about what I eat for lunch] and I am thankful for the one manager who gets it better than others because when I ask what was I doing, he tells me. LOL

Microsleep is the reason why I often misspeak and will say something like, get the ice cream out of the stove.. LOL

Terrified I am going to burn the house down, I have to make a concerted effort to stay my behind in the kitchen while the stove is on cuz if I walk out the kitchen, all bets are off and I will more than likely forget I even went in the kitchen. Part of my *new normal*.

Microsleep is the reason why I have lost countless sets of keys and wallets and have locked myself out of every apartment I have ever lived in.. I will call myself putting something in a brilliant location so it doesn't get lost, then for the life of me, I have no idea where I have put that item.

Im not posting this to seek the attention, although I run the risk of doing exactly that when I am merely trying to spread awareness. Awareness for those who know me personally and get a better understanding why I do what I do and awareness for those who are dealing with people with sleep disorders and wonder why they are doing what they are doing .  Trust me when I say, it is no fun feeling as if you are losing your mind on an every day, continuous basis.

One of the reasons I have to stay prayerful and prayed up during my wakeful moments cuz it comes in handy when my brain goes on temporary LOA and God's angels surround me to protect me. You can't withdraw from an account you have made no deposits in. This is a different kind of warfare for my mind.. One in which I have to constantly fight feeling as if I am losing my mind.. LOL

If you need a better understanding, Google *microsleep and sleep disorders*

1 comment:

  1. You always educate us... thanks sis. This was a great read too. God loves you Lisa... I hope you can feel it and much as I see it. Love ya