Monday, November 16, 2009

Ladiesssssssssss.... do you know how to listen???

Ladiessssss... so you know how to listen to ur spouse? I am the first one to admit that I have/had a listening problem. Back in the day, I would never listen to a significant other cuz I thought they were trying to control me. Long time ago... i was with a dude and we were feeling each other very quickly and pretty hard. Then one day he dropped me like a hot potato. My offense? i didn't listen to him.
I did something he specifically asked me not to do and I was too young and dumb to realize that it was for my own good and he was like if she doesn't listen to me now...will she ever???? Now it took YEARS for me to get that lesson, but I appreciated it after getting wtih Mister. the lesson that I learned is that it is IMPERATIVE to listen to your man knowing he is protecting you from what he perceives to be harmful and for your own good and you have to have FAITH that his intentions are good.  Now i say I realize later that it helped me when I got to Mister because  I KNEW that he meant me no good and that all of his advice/instructions was laced with manipulation. The lesson that I have recently learned is that I have the discernment to know the difference.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Sumffin on my mind lately b4 I go off 2 work *again*. Ive witnessed how relationships including my own have unfolded b4 my very eyes N nothin peturbs me more than to see 1 person givin n givin N getting nothin N return, or shall I say not gettin what they may most need.2 see some1 givin N givin,willing 2 go 2 the ends of the earth 4 this person 4 the sake of lovin that person that much N not get half of that back is heart breakin 2 watch. You gotta learn when to quit. I can only wish and hope that someone will love me that much because I will surely return that love and I am now optimistic that that will happen for me. Have a good day folks!!

It's Monday....

Good Murrrning Fam!! Happy Monday all as Im perched back up on my cloud and looking at life through my rose tinted anxiously waiting to go to work! Got alot to say this morn.. so bear with me. 1st, thanx to all who stopped by (on facebook ya'll kinda forgot about me over here on the Ply LOLOL) and gave me birthday love, it was much appreciated! this weekend was a good weekend finished with me finally joinin a church yesterday.  Those of you who have been following me for a while know i have been searching for a church home for some years cuz I knew I have been needing to be fed, I just couldn't find the right nourishment. I had a moment of self doubt and sadness on Saturday, but I am human and I am good for kicking myself for bad choices that I made, but at least I can say... I learned from my mistakes.... as I was told... gotta keep looking for the good in everything that happens, and I am getting better at it. My profound moment for yesterday, which literally had me in tears is when the minister said... "Sometimes we get caught up in our own selfish moments and woes that we forget about those that need prayer more than us." As Oprah says.. that was my AHA moment. it can always be worse. Yes...I have been told repeatedly that it can always be worse, but I felt like he was specifically calling me SELFISH and that is something I fight hard not to be and I was like UNH UNH that ain't me!!! So we were challenged to "dare the devil to try and weigh me down with NOTHINGNESS." and that is my personal challenge... I am daring the devil. LOL people's harmful words are NOTHING to me anymore. My sincerity was doubted yesterday about my so called "spiritual" moments, I am not trying to impress anyone on here nor do I have ulterior motives. I am just trying to grow, be awakened and arise to a new and better me. Change starts from within. I have no problem with changing, cuz we all have room to grow and I have no problem admitting when I am wrong. That is all. Nothing else.

How Deeply I Need You - Shekinah Glory Ministry

Thursday, October 29, 2009

What have I gotten myself into?

my tears first started flowing from the moment the man at the airline handed me my boarding pass. Let, me go back for a second...  After our half a day together, LOL, we were kinda in a hurry to get me to the airport. Kinda had to endure a terror ride, but it really wasn't that bad. LOL

Friday, September 25, 2009

I feel as if...

....I am walking around with a hard dick 24 hours a day... 7 days a week.  That is the best way I can describe this feeling. I can only imagine what a man feels like if he was in a constant state of arousal.  Now, as a rule, I AM a horny individual.  Maybe it is because I have never been in a relationship in which the sex was a constant everyday affair.  Well, there was one, the man I was engaged to, my first real and true love, we screwed like rabbits on the regular.  Every time we saw each other, we were either disrobing or were getting ready to disrobe. LOLOL  Everything we did led up to us getting it on. LOLOL

But I digress...

So although many would say that I am in a constant state of arousal is because I don't have regular sex, ummm no. I don't think that is the case.  I believe I am just a horny individual.  I really am starting to believe I am a closet nymph. LOLOL

I said I wasn't going to blog about this, because I am afraid to jinx it, but at this point, I need a different outlet. LOLOL I know he may be about sick of me at this point LOLOL, cuz I have to admit, I am kinda sprung. (I will never admit just how sprung I am. LOLOL)

There is this guy that I have been talking to for a couple of years online. I have kept him at bay all this time, I knew I liked him, but ummmm, I just kept him at bay. and that is all Imma say about that!

Anywhooo, the opportunity presented itself to finally meet. He came to Chicago for a function and I got my chance.  Time was sparce and definitely of the essence.  The attraction was instant as we locked eyes for the first time from across the street. If I believed in the foolish notion as love as first site, that is as close as I can describe it as.  He says.. it was the dress. LOLOL

But, he has liked me (according to him), for quite some time. I gotta admit, he gave one hell of a chase and was mighty damn patient for all of the no'ss that I gave him. LOLOL Poor thang.

I was so very nervous. Good grief. Nervous about what I knew I was about to do, nervous about meeting a perfect stranger and taking him to my house, my spooky behind was scared that he was not going to be who he portrayed online.  But he is. My comfort level was instant, which for me, is unheard of. Absolutely, unheard of. We embraced, he kissed me on the cheek and I know he was ready to pounce me right then and there downtown on State Street.  But, I can't put it all on him, I was too. I was just nervous as shit. Cuz this is not how I get down. LOLOL  Cannot say that I have been EVERRRR down this particular road before.

So we make it back to my place, he says I took a step towards him, I say he snatched me in his arms.. Well, it may have been a combination of both. LOLOL He kissed me one of those kind of kisses that makes a girl tingle down to her toes and got me instantly wettttt. Well, I already kinda was on the way to my place. shhhhhhhhh don't tell him that though. LOL

Needless to say, the deed was done, took two hours though. LOLOL Now before I proceed I must say that I have had some damn good dick in my day. I'm just sayin'. Cuz in a minute, ya'll gonna think I haven't. LMAOO

I will admit, that I have not had a man be so attentive in bed.
I mean, I have had attentiveness, but never, not once, on this level.  Every spot that needed to be kissed was. Every spot that needed to be licked was.  Every time my hands reached out to grab something out of sheer ecstasy, he grabbed my hands and held them and somehow, all the while, he never stopped kissing me.  He kept looking me in my eyes and I kept looking away. I felt as if his piercing gaze was trying to look into the center of my soul and shit, I was already naked, what more did he want? LOLOL  I found myself all of a sudden being attentive to his needs, kissing him wherever I could and found myself aggressively mounting him, something I never do. Not necessarily my favorite position but I rode him like my life depended on it.  I made the mistake and looked down into his eyes, looking at me with those piercing hazel eyes and next thing I know, the tears fell. I mean, I cried and he held me and wiped the tears from my face and asked if that was a reaction to an orgasm. yeah.. sure buddy, that is what it was. LMAO

I thought of doing things that I don't do. Had to stop myself from doing them (those of you who have followed me and seen comments on blogs and I even wrote a blog about it knows what it is I am speaking of) because doing so would be the equivalent of handing him my heart on a platter and the expectation that comes with that and ummm no, ain't quite ready for that. Me and those damn principles (or is it foolish notions?) of mine.

Now that the deed was done I am now wanting to know as much about him and remember as much about him as I could.  Did so by reading every archived message, reading everything he has ever posted on his pages, everything that I could find about him, I read it. See, for those two years, I kinda made myself ignore him cuz that was not something I was trying to get started. I mean, we talked on an almost daily basis, we were each other's confidants of sorts.  At one point, there was a hiatus of over a month, and when I thought really hard about it, i remember making myself invisible to him because I could not deal.(nope, he doesn't know that)  He has always, as a friend, been very positive, always telling me to keep my head up, always encouraging me to push it through school, that there are brighter days ahead,  always listening to my woes when everyone else was sick of hearing about them including myself. Why anyone would pursue someone who was the mess that I was at that time is beyond me. LOLOL

As he walked away from him that evening, I fought tears (he don't know that either LOL) as I kept trying in vain to convince myself that he was just a good screw. Period. End of discussion. He is like that with every woman he is with. I bet he has a dozen and two women out there tripping over themselves for him!!!! That I am nothing more but a good screw for him that he just made sure he would get the opportunity to do again if he did it right the first time.  Yeah, I can usually convince myself to turn feelings off and this time I have failed miserably.   And then the follow-up conversations began and he started to tell me everything that he like about me, including my goofyness (why i dont know LMAO) and that is what did me in and put me on this damn cloud. At one point, every time I talked to him, I would blush profusely and would subsequently walk around with this STUPID LOOK on my face. LOLOL Great Scots, my face got sore from smiling so much.  The kids at work looked at me in wonderment, because usually they fear me a little bit, cuz yanno, i gotta stay in those kids behinds on the regular, and they are like we are scared of you because you are smiling at us so damn much. LOLOL And I am like yeah, whatevah... do whatevah... lalalalala LOLOL They been getting away with bloody murder, time for me to pull in the reigns on them bad mofos, although I must admit, they haven't gotten like they were. LOLOL I have them trained well as to what to expect when I am on duty.

Right now, we are friends, for I am his friend first and will probably remain that way for quite some time as he makes some very difficult decisions in his life.  I do not know what will become of us, if there will ever be an "us". I have no expectations, I am keeping my hopes in check (barely),  nor am I waiting on him. I do not know why our paths crossed the way it has, maybe there is a lesson involved regarding the both of us. I know for me personally, I have been taught a very valuable lesson and if there is ever another behind him, the bar has been set very high.  I now know what I should feel when involved with someone. I know that there is quite possibly someone out there with the patience of Job who can deal with me.

I know what is getting to me the most, is the questioning of my own personal stability because the feelings have mounted so fast. I am not a fast kinda person. I am usually one of those grow to love someone kind of person cuz quite frankly, a few idiosyncrasies in a man will spook me and I will be OUT! I have always been one to slowly but surely get over myself of a man's faults. I am not saying that he is perfect, but at the same time I am like faults? schmaults? LOLOL They are of no consequence at this point, LOLOL, I mean, it would have to be pretty damn bad for me to be turned off. I am thinking, if he has any, it surely won't be a concern of mine and I will be more than willing to overlook them. LOLOL

I will see him again in 25 more days (don't be mad cuz i know how many days exactly LOLOL) and although I am as anxious as a sissy given a life sentence I have to admit I am terribly spooked behind it. What if what I saw of him the first time was nothing but a fallacy?  What if it is just a case of desires that are resurfacing that I deliberately buried in myself in my quest to be realistic of what may be my eternal singlehood and being happy about being single? What if he is an idiot and I was too blind in lust the first go round to realize it? I mean, wtf is wrong with me for catching feelings this damn fast? And furthermore, how are we attempting to plan the second trip when my first trip isn't completed???

arrrrrrrrrrghhhh, I know I am driving myself nuts unnecessarily. I am trying really hard to let go of many of these *principles* of mine and just go with the flow. REally I am. but it is hard when I am at the point of taking a second pair of underwear with me to work. LOLOL

Now that I have made the biggest and most complete fool of myself by putting pen to paper, maybe now I can rest a little bit better mentally.

All  I know is... we may not make it out of the airport parking lot.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

A Daily Inspiration and a Must Read ~This Spoke to My Heart and Mind~

The Only way to have peace in a relationship is to know how to butter your own bread. --- Ra-Ha

If you are in a relationship that causes you imbalance and anguish, get out. If you are in a relationship that does not support you or lowers your energy, leave it alone. If you are in a relationship where you give more than you get, where what you give is not respected, where the security you seek is costing you peace of mind, you've got nothing else to lose--- so leave.We come together in relationships to grow, not to live in misery. Our relationships should be sustaining, energizing and growth-supporting. When they are not, our growth is stunted, our energy is depleted and our personality is distorted. A solid, loving, supportive relationship is like a shot of life. It is a source of inspiration, it provides a spark of motivation to encourage you onto the highest evolution of your selfhood. If you are in a relationship in which are happy sometimes, sad most of the time, struggling to figure out what to do, and how to make it last, you are out of place.

I know when to quit.

Iyanla Vanzant


I remember I used to have Iyanla's Acts of Faith book. (guess what happened to it? LMAO) I used to read it daily for it is a daily inspiration book. I remember I gave one to everyone I knew a copy for Christmas. Today as I went to drop the MiniMe of at my mother's house for the evening.. I discovered she had the copy I gave her in 1998! WOWWWW Still looks new too! So I flipped through to today's message and this is what it said.

I know we have all been in relationships in which at the end of the day, this is how you felt. Be it work, friends, spouse.... sometimes relationships takes more out of you than you are receiving in return. I know many, if not most of the relationships I have been in that by the end of the day, they sucked the life out of me. The last one I think almost killed me, figuratively and literally speaking.
It should never be draining to love someone or one should never stick things out for the wrong reasons. sometimes, what we may feel is the right reasons can actually be wrong because without knowing it, we may be damaging those reasons. (got that? lolol)

For example, when i stayed with Misterrr for all that time, trying to keep two parents under one roof, thinking that at the end of the day, that is what would be best for her and it wasnt. Being with him drained me to the point i felt like I was slowly dying on the inside.. hating to get out of bed, not wanting to be bothered with my daughter, crying all the time. I had never suffered so much from sheer loneliness and I was supposedly in a relationship! I was stifled... suffocated.

Reading this, reminded me of how much I have been freed from feeling bad about being ME!

Recently, I have been given a "SHOT OF LIFE". I have a pep in my step, a glimmer in my eye, and a glow on my face. I never thought someone would genuinely appreciate me for being ME. it has been a loooong time since I have felt this way... since I have felt internally alive because I tried to let that part of me die. and even if it is not to be... I appreciate having the hope that their maybe someone who accepts me for ME.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Rule 7: And this is the rule of ALL rules.... If you find yourself at the register with something in your hand you do not want... DO NOT.. I repeat.. DO NOT place the merchandise on the far other side of the register... in the display racks.. or anywhere else that is not in my hand with a remark simply saying that you do not want it. I am standing RIGHT HERE. Just give it to me DAMMIT!

Rule 6: when returning your merchandise... do not get mad at us because we are on to your ticket switching ways.... our system now tell us what merchandise belongs with that ticket. Acting a fool does not move me. I will bag your stuff back up, hand to you and tell you to have a nice day.... all with a smile on my face. yanno... the smile that makes you wanna slap us!

Rule 5: We will not be scanning merchandise that is in your layaway. That is the risk you take when you put it on layaway. the point is... to hold your size before somebody else buys it... for REGULAR PRICE. and our regular price is 50% off of regular retail price!

Rule 3: I really don't care why you are returning your items. Really I don't care. I know you need the money back... so SPARE ME.

Rule 4: if you would like for us to get out of this recession stop listening to the financial experts telling you to ask for a discount. this is off retail folks. doesn't come much cheaper than that. especially if it has already been marked down 3 times. does AS IS mean anything to anybody?

Rule 2: Please... do not put 400 bucks worth of stuff on layaway that your are going to later delete off until you have just enough stuff to cover the amount of your minimum deposit.

Rule 1: Do not get mad with me while during your attempt to cut through a very long line and interrupt me while I am with a customer to put your precious merchandise that you are not going to buy anyway on hold when I kindly tell you to wait in the return line. It is not my fault that your job only gives you a thirty minute lunch. Shopping downtown during lunch hour is not the way to go.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Monday, August 10, 2009

Can somebody tell me how to fix the issue of some people not being able to comment on my blogs? I dunno what the problem is.

Let's not forget something...

...I am a victim of domestic violence.

with that being said, for those of you who may know another woman who is too a victim, it is a very hard thing to get out from under your abuser.

I freely admit, for a loooooong time, fear left me standing still. I made some bad legal choices and made things to easy for Mister when we first went to court in 2005. So busy trying not to throw gas on the flames.  see, when fear makes you still, you will do anything not to fan the flames.

so, year after year, court visit after court visit, I have allowed a special brand of fuckery to go on too long.

Now with that said, I am manning up, bit by bit. People always say that Mister has some kind of hold on me and I always deny it. but I guess in some way he does. when one has one's hands around your throat and you see that special brand of fuckery in their eyes that lets you know that they would have no problem snuffing you out.

yea... that will kinda make a bitch be still.

So, I have been testing my waters, bit by bit. slowly not allowing him to control me. since i took control from him by leaving him and getting a permanent restraining order, his only means of control is to fuck with me, make me pay money, keep me in court, delay arrival times... etc...

yes, I will continue to have the email wars with him, because the more I talk back, the more unglued he becomes because not only is he use to me succumbing to his will being done and being silent and I need to change his line of thinking... but also, I get to have documentation of his brand of madness.

No, I do not enjoy this, not one bit. It is nerve racking. but i am not having it this time.

and although I am trying to shatter battered woman's syndrome by being more vocal, I still have to recognize the fine line that he may try to snuff me out.  I can no longer allow him to think that him not bringing her back is going to make me bow down. and I am definitely not bringing him up here under false pretenses and allowing him to think one thing and spring a surprise on him later.  Not only will that make me look bad legally, but that would be just damned dangerous.

So, walk five steps in my shoes and I guarantee you, you would have bowed down too because nobody can say what they would honestly have done in my situation with a man who made his point clear when he wrapped his hand around my throat on five different occasions to the point in which I thought that that was it.

i absolutely HATE passive aggressiveness. I really hate it from people who claim to be so BIG AND BAD!!!!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

For All of You who Offered to OFF MISTERRRRR for me.....

Does the offer still stand?????

Where do we start????

A couple of weeks ago, I told Misterrr that I would not be able to pay what I am suppose to pay which is half of his traveling

expenses when he comes and gets MIniMe and returns her for the tune of $300.  (don't ask, judge's orders) it is so high because he insists on driving a damn Expedition when he comes up.

Anywayss, with this looming tuition bill fast approaching and my rent still not paid for August, I simply do not have it. I just don't. Nothing I can do about it.

So, I get this email just moments ago, saying that he will be arriving on his scheduled day 4 hours earlier than originally planned. Ummm, won't be home, i have to work this Saturday, which I planned with Management when I got the original email. I have to open that day, and I won't be getting off until 4 and not arriving until at least 5:30. Can't afford to leave 3 hours earlier and lose my money. Nope, can't and will not do it!!!

7 days notice? Not gonna work...

He pulls this shit every year, be it Christmas break or summer break, changes his arrival time and throws my shit way off base. I either have to call in or call out. He did it last Christmas, told me two days before he was scheduled to arrive that he won't be coming until the day after the agreed upon date which forced me to call off from my retail job in the heat of the Christmas season! A Saturday to boot!!!!

I sent him an email saying that I will see him at 5:30pm and that no, i will not be having his money.

Let the email wars begin...

Friday, August 7, 2009

Julia and Julie

Genre: Documentary
We went to go see Julia and Julie today and it was GOOD!!!! Even if we were the only blacks and maybe even the youngest people at the show!!!! It looked like a casting call for COCOON and GRUMPY OLD MEN! LMAOOOOOO

Hands On: Swiss Gear Wireless Mobile Mice - Gearlog
This is the worse mouse EVERRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I now know why they are trying to block the SuperWalmart from coming on the southside of Chicago: UNIONIZED and OVERPRICED Domonicks and Jewels!!! You couldn't PAY me to shop at either one, they cost TOO MUCH!!!!

The Mister and Ma Barker Chronicles: The Madness Continues...

Soooo, Mister and MiniMe, Grandma, the Baby Mama and the other two kids went to Florida... I am guessing it was a nice trip. Too bad it didn't end that way!

MiniMe calls me today and she proceeds to tell me about how Mister pulled over on the side of the highway, pulled his Mother out of the car, pushed her down on the grass and proceeded yelling and screaming at her at the top of his lungs like some kinda fool.  Then MiniMe says to me "and Mommy I was crying!!!!!"

oh helllssssss NO!!!!

Yanno, I ain't down for this kinda shit!!! and yanno I can't wait for her to come home so I can find out what was really going on down there.  My daughter will not be exposed to this brand of foolishness... not if I can help it.

Imma need a lawyer. Correction: Imma need money to pay for a lawyer.  Cuz it is time to reduce his vacation time...  she is not to be exposed to his violent side....

What is it about men with small peter weters always coming after big gurls?? What Imma do with that besides try not to laugh????

15 shot in overnight incidents - 7/29/09 - Chicago News -

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

My number has come up again...
If you don't remember or know about last years debacle, click the link....

I finally got another chance after 15 months of waiting for the retest. I thought I would age out before they called me back considering the budgetary problems the police department has been having lately!!!

he smokes get put down TONIGHT!!!! The running starts tomorrow...


Another day, another dollar!!!! Thats all I got!!! LOLOL

Thursday, July 2, 2009

is everybody's reply option disabled?

So there is this girl who just completed the paralegal program with me, not two weeks out of school was offered 44k which she turned down cuz she said it wasn't enough money. she has two other interviews lined up and is currently making 40 bucks an hour doing legal work on the side. How do some people have these kind of things fall in their lap???

Can Whites declare the end of racism???

...and I don't mean the natural reaction to voice "yeah,by stop being racists."  That is not the purpose of this blog.

My point is that many laws are due to expire. Why the expiration date?  Many laws are passed as needed as a form of social control---nah not control in the way you think, i mean, as society progresses to different social ideas and thoughts, laws are no longer needed and may be deemed archaic such as the adultery laws that are still on many state's books but are never enforced. I mean, when is the last time someone has been criminally convicted in the court of law for being unfaithful? The law came into existence many years ago due to the social times in which it was created and now, unfortunately, adultery is now more socially accepted.  Well, unless of course you are a politician, LOLOLOL, but I digress.

Now I always have to say preface myself by saying, yes, racism does still exists, but it is no where near as prevalent as it was in the 60s.  White lawmakers dare not stand tall and declare well, we have a black President now, so these laws are no longer necessary. We blacks won't say it because then it seems we will no longer have an excuse as to why we cannot collectively get ahead and may have to point the finger at ourselves as to why many of us are not progressing.

I usually do not comment much on politics because I have a general intolerance for anyone declaring mass conspiracies.  I am sorry, call me naive, but I do not believe that there is a group of rich powerful whites sitting in a room somewhere plotting black folks demise.  Yes incidents occur, with cops v. blacks, but the intolerance for such behavior is growing with punishment for these offending officers being swift and severe.

I guess I am one of the few that agree with Clarence Thomas' dissent in the Texas case about the Voting Rights Act of 1965.  Once the political pundits started about how much of a Uncle Tom he is, I went to the Supreme Court's website and read it for myself.  To loosely summarize his 10 page dissent, he said that the mechanism that was used during the Civil Rights era to keep blacks from voting, such as testing, fees, etc... is no longer being used and no blacks have complained of such mechanisms being used as of late therefore making the Act no longer necessary.

Seems pretty reasonable to me.

It seems to me that whites face a certain political demise for suggesting that Civil Rights laws are no longer necessary.  So who is left to say so?  Remember, many laws have expiration dates on them with the intention being that by time the law expires, everybody will be on board with that line of thinking and behaving. Also keep in mind, that EVERYBODY in The United States OF America will never be on board. I personally believe, that enough of us Americans are on board. We do have a Black President and although we Blacks had a significant hand in President Obama being elected, he would not be there without Whites.

It is time for self-accountability.  We can be our own worst enemy. I am tired of living in a neighborhood that looks nice but at times can sound like Beirut. I am tired of seeing cops descending in my neighborhood like cockroaches cuz WE are acting like damn fools.  A white person did not walk into our neighborhood and hand us a gun to shoot.  He does not walk into our schools and tell us to drop out and not listen to the teachers.  Yes, to me, it is that simple, we have a choice people.  We have a choice not to buy guns and drugs. We have a choice to go to school and educate ourselves.  We have a choice to be economically more sound and not be so concerned about having a lable on the back of our behinds.  We have a choice to not perpetuate the ever many stereotypes that plague us.  We have a choice to not allow the rascism that existed in this country for centuries and may even exist now, to define if we are going to get ahead. Self accoutability is color blind.

I believe damn near all barriers have been broken down for us. We have a Black President now ya'll, we have got to do better.

Monday, June 8, 2009


i just concluded taking my last final and turning in my final paper for my Post-trial Litigation class.  Can we say



I's tiiide now.  Well, not really, just abnormally RELIEVED in the sense that the mental drudgery of it all is OVER!!!!

Yesterday was my first day off from work and school since Minime has been gone.  And what did I do? I cleaned!!! Cleaned, cleaned and did MORE cleaning!!!!

and I am still not done!! I even took down my blinds and washed them in the tub. I HATE dusty ass blinds! And I hate using a duster on it because it makes the strings dirty.  so I doused them with bleach, let them soak and washed the windows inside and out.  and what did i get for my efforts??? STREAKS!!!! (SHEDDUP SILKS)

This is my MiniMe-is-gone-for-the-summer CLEANINg and this kind of cleaning takes some doing.  Not to mention having 2 years worth of school shit that has hit the trash.

I am about to go home (yes I am out of commission) and do the kitchen and bathroom and if I have enough energy, Imma hit the bedroom.


PS: and NO I am not missing the MiniMe yet!!!!

Friday, June 5, 2009

Almost there....

Today is Friday. My next to last day of class. Can i get a wooo hoooooo?????

Thursday, June 4, 2009


So, at the moment, I am sitting in Panera Bread, working on doing my memorandum that is due tomorrow.

First, lemme say 'scuse my foolishness for yesterday, I realized later that I was PMS-ing.  that resume workshop really snuffed my ass out! LMAOO I swear I was sitting in that seminar with my blood jumping, heart palpitating, the whole bit.. LMAOO

I am still  pissed about the rent shit, but oh well, it is not the first time, imma take the landlord's lecture with a smile and try not to smack him..  after all playing russian roulette with my checking account IS my fault, no matter which way I look at it. I just got caught up....

Now, the point of this blog as I am sitting in Panera bread is that I am not going to get SHIT done cuz there is too much distraction.  (internet is cut off for the moment *shrugs*) and this chick is sitting behind me FLAPPING HER FUCKING GIBS!!!! I am soooooooo glad that when I had a cell phone, I did not talk loudly in public and REFUSED to talk on the cell phone while on the bus or train unless it was a bonafide EMERGENCY!!!!

Now, keep in mind, that I do not have cigs (sheddup) as it is the day before payday and this chick behind me IS ABOUT TO FEEL MY WRATH!!!!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Resume building

I just attended a mandatory university/paralegal department sponsored job preparation and resume building seminar and uhhhhhhhhh THEY SCARED THE BEJESUS OUTTA ME!!!

Two different presentations, one cancelled out what the other said. There are so many ways to build a resume, how are you to know which kind to have? Some say no objective, others say objective is mandatory.

I just found out today that some of the people who did paralegal internships got jobs at that particular firm, now I am feeling i have missed out. Now they are saying that we need to be interning for that dreaded experience and I absolutely cannot do that, I can't work ANYWHERE for free. I am TERRIFIED, my confidence has been WELL SHAKEN. This is a city of knowing somebody, who knows somebody just to get your kid in a good school, I can only imagine what it is going to be like to find a job!!!!!

ok, i am getting besides myself....

Banking when poor...

I would like to formally thank Chase/Wamu for taking my rent money out of one account to catch up my overdraft account.

I am starting to think that when one is living on the bare minimum, one needs not have a bank account.

Tomfoolery, Shenanigans and Rabblerousing at it's finest: A Ma Barker Story *wipes tears*

Soooo, Mister and MIniMe have arrived safely in Ga.  Of course, he could not get down there without some form of foolishness.  I am going to do my best to tell this story without falling out from laughter...

Mister told me that on the drive to Chicago, Ma Barker complained about his driving and telling him that he was driving too fast.  Now, I will say, Mister can subject one to a terror ride in a minute, especially if he is sleepy, so he will speed to keep his adrenaline going.  He said Lisa I swear, I went 75 the whole way, most times the speed limit was 70-75. OK.

Sooo, on the way back, she got to complaining again.  She was holding on for dear life and pushing on imaginary brakes. LMAO Sooo, Mister stops for gas and Ma Barker goes inside to use the bathroom.  So he finishes getting his gas and proceeds to wait for his mother.  Next thing he knows, 15 minutes goes by.  So he goes in and knocks on the door, she peeks her head through and says she has to wash her hands, she will be out in a minute. He goes back to the car and waits.  Next thing he knows a police car arrives and the officer goes inside.  He paid it no mind until a few minutes later the officer comes out with his mother. *wipes tears*  The officer escorts Ma Barker to his truck and tells Mister to come talk to him behind the truck. 8hehehehe*

So, lets recap for  a minute, Ma Barker went to the bathroom, called the police on her cell phone and told them she was frightened of her son's driving and to come and tell her son that he is driving too fast!!! LMAOOOOOOOO

So the officer says to Mister: Your mother is sick isn't she? *SCREAMS WITH LAUGHTER*

Mister was like yes, yes she is. the officer says ok, we are gonna pretend I gave you a stern talking to and you have a nice day. *wipes tears*

Mister says that as he was leaving, a fire truck and the ambulance turned into the gas station!!!  He said he never been more embarrassed in all of his life. LMAOO I asked him how was Taylor during the trip and he was like she was fine.  She didn't worry him with a million questions about if they were in Georgia or not.

See, I know what REALLY happened after that incident. LMAOO MIster said that afterwards, he took her cell phone from her and since it was on his plan, he promptly called Verizon and had her service cut off. lmao He then told her that she was gonna have to go, he didn't care where she went, she was going into a high rise or something or whatever it is he could find. He then told her that when they got home, she better not try not to take care of Minime. Dont give her a bath, dont get her ready for bed, she wasn't gonna be watching her tomorrow, he will take care of his own child thank you very much. Now, I know good and damn well he said all of those things cuz that was always his threat against her and it was always done during a SCREAM JOB.

I know good and damn well he gave her the SCREAM JOB of a lifetime. LMAO and I know he prolly scared MiniMe shitless in the process which is why she didn't badger him with 20 questions. lmaooo

I also know that Ma Barker ain't going ANYWHERE!!! LMAOOO

And umm, I am not gonna tell ya'll that when they got home, Mister ran MiniMe's bath water and told her to come down and take her bath. MiniMe came down the stairs and asked....

"Daddy, I have to take TWO baths?"

Monday, June 1, 2009

Taylor's Graduation

The first of many...

I don't feel like uploading the rest! LOL

It is almost time....

For her to get her little behind up outta dodge!!!  She didn't get to bed until almost 11 after me trying to press, curl and roll her hair for today only FOR IT TO RAIN!!!! I think it is gonna snap back on me again like it did for that first graduation picture....

Compared to the new pic LOLOL

I think Imma leave her hair in rollers until we get to the school. Can't be taking no chances! LOLOL  and after the ceremony, that hair situation will be Mister's problem! LMAOOO

Sometimes I wish she had my hair, his damn genes took over on that one! LMAOO  And I say that because I don't always know what to do with her hair because Iack experience in such!!! and yanno, an inexperience person's press (with an electric hot comb) and curl, no telling what is gonna happen1

anywayssss, she woke up at 7, much to my dismay! LMAOO Woke up talkin bout it's her graduation!!!! Anybody who will listen from the bus driver to a stranger walking down the street she lets them know she is graduating into first grad on Monday and her Daddy is taking her to Georgia right after the ceremony! LMAOO

She has talked to him for an hour first thing this morning. She keeps asking him if he is in Chicago yet! LMAO  She is WORRYING ME TO DEATH!!!!  She is soo excited her little ass couldn't eat her beloved grits and eggs. LMAO

Lemme get my ass off here and start getting us ready.  Still haven't packed her bag. Can ya believe that?  I was gonna do it last night but after trying to do her hair last night, I WAS TIIIIIIIIDE and went my ass promptly to bed!!!

Friday, May 29, 2009

I Hope Her Little Ass Freezes Today...

Well, today is MiniMe's kindergarten class trip.  They are able to wear their own clothes today.  Of course, little Miss. Diva MiniMe picked out her outfit on Monday.  LOLOLOL I agreed to it because after I checked the weather, it said 80s for today which would have been fine.  So today, I get up and check the weather and it said 75 with a chance of rain in the evening which mean at about 3, the temp may start to drop.  Sooo I am like, hmmmm, I dunno, that outfit may be pushing it today.  So, Miss. Thang got her little behind up, bounced into the bathroom, brushed her teeth and washed her face without discussion, turned to me and asks is her outfit ready for her on the couch. LOLOLOL And so I was like, well sweetie, it may be a little too chilly outside for that outfit and she was like, I can just wear my coat MOTHERRRRR!!!! lmaoo I was like FINE, I surely was not up for an argument.  Now, don't get me wrong, I do believe in being the parent but I also know when to (1) pick my argument because this outfit deal would have caused her to have major attitude issues this morning and I wasn't up for it and (2) the best lesson is a bought one.  I have the kind of kid that she has to learn certain lessons all on her own and then it is no longer an issue or major discussion.  So I just said, OK, but you may be cold today.  Soooo, we get to school and of course all of the other little girls are in longer sleeves and pants and she goes in and sashays her little behind their just positively BEAMING. Oh well, whatcha gonna do?

Her posing is a hoot!!!!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I feel like a gotdamn train wreck...

I was just able to verbalize this feeling in the comment section of another blog cuz I just couldn't put it into words. LMAOO

I finally let my eyebrows grow back from all of the chop jobs I have given myself via razor and wax... I am looking a little mannish at the moment...

Let go back and revisit that shall we? LMAOOOO

I am doing the curly hair thing this summer. Last year I couldn't get it to curl, this year I have plenty of curls except, i am looking a little moppish.

I think I am needing it to be cut, it some kind of style, that will work for straight hair or curly hair.  Definitely, no layers.

Last week I took a ery bad fall, I dunno what happened, but one minute I was walking, the next SECOND I was down for the count.  I couldn't even brace for impact. Just kinda sat there in a big ass heap.  Now, since then, my ankles and knees have taken a turn for the worse, they have always given me problems.  I know a few years ago, a doc told me I was starting to lose cartilage in my left knee and now I can feel the bone rubbing together.  yeah yeah yeah, i need to get to a doctor.

I think my dream of being a cop is slowly fading away.

Last semester, I lost my Versace prescription glasses and I am now down to my next to last pair of contacts. pffffffffft I think I have enough left on my flex card to at least get the ultra cheap yet ugly pair...

Although in hindsight, I don' think I like these... (but I am still pissed that i lost them)

OK, I think I have stalled long enough from working on this legal memorandum (can we say it is giving me the BLUES??).  I have laughed at myself now, I am good. LMAOO

Sunday, May 24, 2009

I can't take NO MORESSSSSSSSSS part 2

Now, I know I said that before, but nothing prepared me for what you are about to see. I swear, this is no joke!!! I saw this with my own eyes at the 95th Street train station here in Chicago. I was PISSED I didn't have my camera, so one of the dudes who was tripping on this too, took this picture and emailed it to me on his phone. 




Now, a word from our sponsors....

Photo Album 2009-05-24

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


I have a question for you guys. Is your online persona different from the one that people see???  I know for me, you guys see a much more vulnerable side of me than I EVER show in public.  Most people in person find me unapproachable, due to my physical stature, the seriousness in my deep voice and the serious look that usually accompanies such. My blogs are the inner workings of my mind and heart, something I dare not reveal to the general public.  It is much easier to display my insides to people I really don't know than it is to those who know me personally.  I really don't have to worry about the judgment calls here and since I don't know most of you personally, I really don't care! ha!

My point in this is that I like to think I am consistent.  Meaning, the person you see here online is the same person you will meet in person once one cracks the shell.  But I am one who loves to laugh whether online or offline!!!!

Many people aren't that way.  Have you ever met someone who was completely not what you expected them to be??  I have and all I can say is WOW!!!!

I believe many of you may be confused as to who and what I am.  I am not the softie that I show on here. In many ways, who I am here is who I wish I could be personally. Well, sometimes anyways.  I don't believe in being TOO soft or vulnerable with people.  Although I may be falling apart on the inside, one will never be able to tell that by watching me walk down the street.  Although I may show some of my weaknesses, inner turmoil , self doubt and insecurities (we ALL have them so don't FRONT) here online, does not mean I am a weak. 

Although this blog has gone in a completely different direction than I originally intended, I guess the point I am making is if one should ever meet me, don't EVER think that i am WEAK or EASY PREY to put up with your personal brand of BULLSHIT.  I sniff it way better than I let on.  Don't let my online lameness fool you.  As I used to tell Mister, I am not as stupid as I may look.  LOLOL  Those that have known me for years can tell you way better than I can ever show you