Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Late Bloomers & God's Timing: Another Lesson in Endurance

I used to always look at where other people are in life in trying to determine if I am where I am suppose to be in my own life... I used to always measure my own success based on where I perceived others to be.

Late bloomers usually grow up feeling left behind as everyone else appears to be passing them by. I know I often felt this way myself... let me take a moment to give you some insight about late bloomers...

Late bloomers are very often misunderstood.

Late bloomers are more likely to be judged more harshly than others.

Late bloomers are usually viewed as being failures for very often, they do not find themselves or their purpose until a time that society deems as being late in life.

Late bloomers tend to get married late in life.

Late bloomers tend to find themselves being thwarted by those they love most, those same people whose patience are wearing thin because the late bloomer doesn't seem to be getting it as fast as they think they should.

Late bloomers, more than others, need the love and support of other people so that they can finally bloom, even if it is just ONE person. 

Late bloomers beat themselves up far worse than society ever can.

Saints always say that
God's timing is always perfect, but they seem to forget that notion when dealing with a tried and true late bloomer. 

What does this have to do with the author of this blog, you may ask?

I find myself in a circumstance, once again, in which not only am I left out, but also, left behind.

Let me explain.

A few months ago, I started a path of finally beginning my training in ministry. Everything was wonderful at first... we were all a cohesive unit, excited about our future together in ministry.

Then one day, I had a cataplexy attack in church, set off by the microphones screeching during service... this led to me being told by someone I held dear to me, that nothing was wrong with me, I was only seeking attention. I ended up going clean off on this person, I did not curse, but I did not miss my words either.

As I look back at this moment, I realize I was not mad at the person, but mad at her response. Why? Because I had already had a notion that she felt as if my sleep disorder was all in my head and that I was seeking attention, fearing that I was being paranoid, I prayed to God for an answer, and He gave it to me, straight out the horses mouth. So yes, I was upset. 

Shortly after the Lisa is Seeking Attention Incident, this same person told me she wasn't trying to question my call, but she did not see the manifestation of Christ IN me. Furthermore, this person went and told people at church that the day I collapsed in church, I seemed as if I was possessed that day. 

Oh, it gets better.. 

This same person, decided to take the crux of my ministry as God revealed it to me, and make a mockery of it by asking members of the church, how do they know I am not HIV+??

My reaction to this is truly a different blog for a different day... 

So let's recap this for a moment, at this moment, I am an attention seeking hypochondriac, who wasn't called into ministry and does not have the manifestation of Christ in them, who is possessed and quite possibly, HIV Positive. 

Before finding out what was being said about me, I really did start to become paranoid as people in my church started distancing themselves from me. Quickly and swiftly. Literally, everyone was cool with me one Sunday, the next Sunday, folks would barely utter a word. I couldn't figure out what the problem was for the life of me and Im thankful for the person who finally told me the truth about what was being said behind my back. At least now I know, Im not crazy. Not completely anyway. LOL

What hurts the most is knowing nothing is sacred to this person. I mean to know a person would play on people's fears about HIV and AIDS, for reasons, Im still not real sure about.. that is devastating.. and then for people whom I really hold dearly to my heart and love wholeheartedly, start looking at me funny too and I have to wonder, what she said to them about me as well.. 

but I am digressing.. there is a point to this.. LOL 

Finally, I was given the news that I would not be graduating with everyone else because I had to drop a class.. well actually, God removed me from that class.. but that is a different blog for a different day... 

I totally get and understand I did not meet the requirements to graduate. This is what I do not like.. this is what is absolutely chapping my hyde to the utmost.. 

That under the thought that God will sit down those He did not call these same people can look at me down their nose and say see? I told you, she wasn't called and to all those who believed the same, they received false confirmation that I in fact, was not called because God sat me down. 

Im still trying to get over that one. 

The last couple of weeks of class was tough to say the least. The self righteous looks as I was excluded from pictures. The passing glances that went around as the student invitation to the ceremony was being handed out. Finally, determined to sit through the actual graduation ceremony, determined not to feel ashamed, or mad, or left behind.. keeping the thought in my mind that it matters not what my classmates say, or what they think, I know what God told me as I tried my best to keep my head up high and my tears from falling.

So lately, I have been having these why conversations with God. just WHY LORD??? WHYYYY can I never finish something with everyone else.  Why am I always left behind and left out? What did I do wrong? Im not getting my Master's degree this year as planned, I did not graduate from Ministry as planned and Im living at home with my Mother. (diff blog for a diff day *sighs*)

I haven't fully gotten an answer except, clean slate, late bloomer and God's timing. 

Moses was in his 80s when his work really began. Sarah and Abraham were old when God fulfilled His promise to them, so I do understand the Perfectness of God's timing and that is the only thing that is bringing me comfort right now. 

Now that I have gotten the me story out the way, I think I can finally write the sermon. 


  1. In his time dear, in his time, just keep your focus and stay on the path you have chosen, delayed does not mean denied

    1. That, is what I'm holding on to for dear life!!