Monday, January 14, 2013

Knowing About the Fight

"We win the battle when we realize we don’t ever get to stop fighting it." <<<<<<< Now That'll Teach!!! 

Now this is a POWERFUL statement!! And soooo applies to every aspect of our Christian walk.. Don't think once you THINK you have been delivered from an issue in your life, that the battle is over because the enemy is REALLY going to get started with you!  You see, as long as the enemy has your mind captive, he doesn't have to work too hard to keep you captive. He doesn't have to rattle anymore chains in your life.  My issue was with depression and succumbing to darkness. Once I became saved and born again and received the baptism of the Holy Spirit.. went so far as to accept the call God had placed on my life.. then I got SUCKERED PUNCHED with depression and darkness... I guess I really cannot say suckered punch... I reopened a soul tie.. yet and still, I fell down HARDER and FASTER than I had
 in YEARS.. to the point that I was being taunted in my dreams about what happened to me in my past, to the point where all I could seem to do is cry, where all I could do is question God as to why he had forsaken me, where all I felt and believed in the deepest part of my hearts that God had abandoned me and did not love me.  The only thing I kept thinking was that I wasn't worthy. Here I have joined a church and started my walk with Christ. I had gone back to school, gotten my Bachelors degree, my Post-Graduate Paralegal Certificate, currently 4 classes away from my Masters Degree and still did not have the better job. I still was living paycheck to paycheck. I was still without a car. I was still unmarried with no prospects in sight. Here I am, fast approaching 40 and my hopes of having another baby and giving MiniMe a sibling was quickly diminishing. I could not understand for the life of me why God would not and did not give me the innermost desires of my heart. It took me a YEAR and 3 months to climb out of this depression and darkness I was wallowing in because I simply thought.. 

I had conquered that thing called depression.

I was very arrogant in my assessment. I, through my own self-centeredness, felt that *I* had conquered this thing called depression. That *I* had conquered this walk of darkness... that *I* had gotten rid of that dark cloud that seemed to hang over me, but unfortunately for me, whenever I looked in the mirror, I still saw my old depressed and unlovable self and before I knew it, I very quickly sunk back into who I use to be. 

It took for me to realize that this thing called depression, this ever looming darkness that was over me, was something that I would continuously have to fight against for all my life.. and knowing that I have to fight it prepares me for the battle and allows me to continuously walk in Victory over this thing.. For the struggle isn't about flesh and blood, BUT the powers of this dark world, of those spiritual forces of evil that are UNSEEN!!! 

Whewwww Lorrrd!!! I am on a ROLL!!! 

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