I Remember When...

Originally posted on December 3, 2010

I found out Mister was HIV+... It came in the mail.. his lab results from the insurance company that was going to insure our 4500 square feet, 5 bedroom, 3 bathroom house.. dunno why I need to share how big the house was... Im feeling a little cramped at the moment in our 3 room apartment.

Anyhooo... The letter was to inform him that he was not eligible to be insured and they sent his lab results. The lab results showed a bunch of numbers and at the bottom it said "HIV+ according to CDC standards." I remember seeing them on a Saturday and it was a holiday weekend and I was praying the docs office was going to be open on that holiday Monday... that weekend was sheer torture because I feared the very worse about myself and my daughter.. MiniMe at the time was about 10 months old. Didnt know at that moment how long he had it or if I had gotten it and passed it to MiniMe during my pregnancy...
that had to have been the slowest and most fearfully spent weekend of my entire life.. During this weekend I didn't breathe a word of it to Mister that I saw the papers. That Monday finally arrived and I called my job and told them that i was going to be late for work... I rushed up to Kaiser with the paperwork in hand and went to see the Midwife who delivered MiniMe. I begged to see her, no I don't have an appointment, no there isn't anything wrong with me .. JUST NOOO I need to talk to her PLEASE AND THANK YOU!!!!

I saw her.. I remember her name being Michelle.. she was my most favoritist midwife that I had seen during my pregnancy. I handed her the lab results and asked her to make heads or tails of it... She looked in horror and said whoever it is.. they are in fact HIV+.. the numbers do not lie... She asked me whose lab results they were and I told her it was MiniMe's father. I remember trembling as tears filled her eyes and she searched for words and she hugged me then she said remember you took an HIV test your 2nd trimester and you came back negative which means the baby is negative as well. She then asked about our sex life and I said it has always been pretty much nonexistent... I told her that at that point we had only been intimate 2 or 3 times since she was born to which she said that was good.. that improved my chances of not having contracted the virus. She sent me to lab for a STAT HIV test and sure enough I found out 2 days later I did not get infected. Sometime I look back on this time with such a sense of WONDER. Just wowwwwwwww... God had my back then and at that time I did not allow God to be present in my life. Whats especially amazing is that I used to have to beg Mister for his affections... Intimacy was another form of control for him, to keep me begging for him I guess... but the good thing to come out of that is that had we had a normal (whatever that is) sex life, I wouldnt be able to tell this story. My story would be of a different nature.

Im still trying to figure out how exactly he has been able to father 2 more children since my departure.

You can bets believe I have definitely been more cautious since then and since Ive been walking on my spiritual walk Ive been celibate for over a year now... waiting patiently (well kinda... LOL) as God decides when Im ready to give me my husband.

I dont know why this came to mind today.. I was riding on the train on my way to work and this part of my life came back into remembrance crystal clear and it was on my heart to share... There has been alot of discussion on HIV awareness this past week... Prayerfully, someone can be blessed by this.

~Be Blessed~