Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The 5th Commandment...

For a long long long time.. I would not stand up to my mother or hold my ground with my mother for fear of disobeying the 5th Commandment.. "honor thy father and thy mother". I would not tell her how I felt or the truth as I saw it. I would not tell her the error of her ways against not only me but also against my daughter. I would not tell her how hurt I was over her abuse as I was growing up.

Ive realized that in my silence Ive allowed her to think that her brand of foolishness is alright.

Moms is a vengeful mom. Moms one time threw out $400 worth of blue topaz & gold jewelry I bought her for Christmas because she was upset with me because I had the nerve to be honest with her. How dare I.

Moms is one to take down pictures of me. throw away or give back gifts I have given her. moms will turn the tables in a heartbeat and tell me how Im wrong for being upset at her selfishness.

Moms will send me one way emails bawling me out & then blocking my email address so I cant respond.

I took it all in silence. Never uttered a word.

I am no longer that 10 year old little girl who is afraid to open her mouth. I am almost 37 years old now and it is time for this brand of fudgery to stop.

the cycle of dysfunction, lunacy and sheer madness stops right here. right now.

for years I stayed away from Christianity because while I was growing up.. Moms got *ahem* saved in the Catholic church. The only problem was that she was still a demon at home. She was still abusive, she never changed her ways with me... at any given day, moment or time I was a nasty little bitch. Her moods depended upon what man was messing up at that moment.. She was/is a hypocritical Christian as far as I am concerned and I stayed far far far away & removed from anything that started with Christ.. if that was what Christianity was I wanted no parts of it.

She never seems to realize or fully understand that she treats/treated me exactly as her mother treated her. But she says I should be grateful that I didn't suffer as badly as she did.

*blank stare*

I am praying really hard right now that anger doesn't not take centerfold in my life right now. I am praying really hard for the spirit of hatred to leave my heart, mind, spirit and soul.

My daughter will not know this brand of madness.. My daughter will only know love and happiness and joy and consistency and dependency and reliability. I pray my daughter will be attached and stay attached to me for all of the years of my life. My daughter will not know what the excuse of well "hurt people hurt people". I am hurt.. but I will not under any circumstances hurt her because of my hurt.

For once I stand up for myself and stand my ground and she says I was being disrespectful. and then wanted to know if thats what Im learning at my new church.


she heard the dial tone to that one.

When I was in Georgia fight Mister... My attorney, a man of God, met her.. having no knowledge of our dysfunction he turns to me and says that he would never put her on the witness stand.. that she is "pure evil" in her soul and said that he would pray for me to break the cycle. Imagine that.. a man who didn't know her from Adam was able to discern her evil spirit.

Well... this is the final straw for me.. Since she has disowned me.. Let her go in peace.


  1. Get it out Lisa...and THEN forgive and release. It is liberating.

    The best thing (like you said) is be the mother that your daughter need and you so desired growing up.

  2. Thank God you recognize that her ways and life are not what you set for yourself. I agree with Cy. Please try to purge it and then forgive and release it. And always remember...YOU ARE NOT HER!!