Monday, May 11, 2009

Naysayers.... & the Blessing and the Curse...

If any of you remember, my God-family and I had a bit of a fall out last during the last Thanksgiving Holiday.  This led to me kind of putting them out of my life for right now because I couldn't deal with the constant negativity being brought on upon me.  Without going into a loooooooong ass story, it essentially came down they were tired of me and my situation and they also felt (without speaking on it) that I was lying on my mother not being more helpful to me which led them to think that I was using them instead of asking my mother. *sighsss*

Anyways, since this time, I had not been in contact with any of them.  As I told my closest God-sister, I will be staying away and distancing myself from them until I am in a situation in which I can't be made to feel ashamed of.  I haven't heard anything from them since this time except when my niece emailed me asking what I was doing for MiniMe's birthday and how she wanted to take her to a movie.  That never panned out.
 
I finally called yesterday, to bid my God-mother a Happy Mother's Day and the conversation was strained at best.  It lasted all of 3 minutes, she didn't ask questions and I didn't offer any details.  I was kind of disappointed by it, was almost ready to cry and then I remembered how peaceful these last few months have been without being in constant judgment of my every move.  although I love being given advice, I don't like when advice is given with the expectation of me following it to the 'T' without factoring in that said advice needs to be tailored to the individual person and situation and as I said before, don't give me the advice that isn't GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU and YOUR KIDS.

Sooo, since this time, I had lost the only free babysitter(s) that I had and was at a complete loss as to what I was going to do this semester.  At that time, I was in the height of the Christmas season, losing money every week due to having to call in which caused the viscious cycle of not having a babysitter, losing money because of it and then not having money to pay another babysitter.

Well in the midst of all this, I was really down and one day in class, I had a public moment that I usually reserve for in private at which my classmate asked me what the issue was and after being told, offered to keep MiniMe on the weekends for free through this semester.  Talk about a complete surprise!!!  Her rationale was that she already has 4 kids, what is one more??

Sooo, the necessary arrangements was made and this arrangement started at the end of January.

Now, before I begin I must say that I am not looking a gift horse in the mouth!!!!

Nothing on earth could have prepared me for the condition of her apartment. I was floored beyond repair and being that I have a face that tells everything, I couldn't even recover my face for the shock that it was displaying.  and the kicker????

She says to me, girl, come on into my nasty house...

*blank stare*

MiniMe's white socks come home black and won't/can't come clean. I can't send house shoes anymore because they don't come back home. Shit is EVERYWHERE. No, not just cluttered, but nasty dirty too.  There are 6 people under her roof (and yes she is married) which means six changes of clothes everyday piled up in the living room. The house smells like dirty clothes and pee which is a smell that MiniMe brings home with her and is absolutely unnerving. 

She has four kids, a 9 year old daughter, a 7 year old boy and 3 year old twins.  there is constant noise and confusion, belts being swung, kids playing and falling on a hard concrete floor, kids skating in the house, riding a scooter in the house, playing, fussing, fighting cursing, etc. Just mad confusion that Minime isn't accustomed to!!!


When I say MiniMe HATES going there, that is a severe UNDER statement.  The first couple of weeks was ok, then all of a sudden, one day as we were approaching the building tears came out of no where and then I got part of the story as to what was really HAPPENING over there. 

the 9 year old daughter for a lack of a better word, CHUBBY. I mean, literally wears a size 18W kinda chubby.  With little chubby kids, their personality will either be being passive and allowing people to walk all over them, or of the bullying kind. She is the bullying kind and bosses everyone around that is down right rude.

The 7 year old boy has ADHD, and honestly has the makings to being a serial killer, he disregards the value of human life and emotions, wets the bed and from what I hear, will torture an animal in a minute. They don't know what to do with him so he is subjected to constant beatings which would be appropriate for a typical kid his age, but with him, I think it is doing nothing but enhancing his disassociative behavior.  I have witnessed him saying that he hates his mother, will do the crazy sign behind her back and totally disregards any and all instructions from his mother.  MiniMe says that he is always hitting and teasing her and finally one day I had to tell her, if he hits you again, retch back as far as you can go and knock the shit out of him!!!!  I came in yesterday and witnessed his relentless teasing of my daughter. *sighsss*

Then there are the 3 year old frat girl and boy twins.  These two are the terrible two.  The little girl is being a little girl her age, but that little boy??? Babaaaaaaaaaay BYE!!! He is nothing but the reincarnation of the older boy.  I told MiniMe that she couldn't hit him back cuz he is doesn't know any better.

Every weekend, it is a fight to get her over there.  The crying, moaning and groaning has become damn near unbearable, and I cannot wait until this is all over with.  I question her in detail as to the goings on over there to make sure that it is not too egregious and every weekend I am consumed with guilt when I drop her off over there as she asks me how many more weekends does she have to go.

And lets not talk about the behavior changes that MiniMe goes through by time the weekend is over with.  It takes me until Wednesday to get her back on track and then it is time to send her back over there to start this shit again.  I am desperately trying to hold on, she only has 3 more weekends over there before she leaves for Ga.  I really feel guilty by subjecting her to this, she does manage to have some fun, but I can really do without the changes in her behavior.  Talking back.  Not listening.  Coming home and rapping to songs and shaking her little ass.  They are big rap video watchers over there, something that I do not expose MiniMe too.

I am all about controlling the kind of kids Minime is exposed to. I am big with her being friends with kids who have like minded parents.  Many, including my God-family, have accused me of thinking I am better than others or of being uppity, but I know damn well, they wouldn't have allowed or accepted this with their kids.

I try to keep in mind the valuable lesson that MiniMe is getting by being exposed to others who are different from us.  She is not used to confusion, teasing, etc, etc... and maybe it will help her get thicker skin???

Dunno.

At the end of the day, I have to stay thankful for this *ahem* blessing.  I don't really feel like I can say anything to my *friend* because after all, she is doing this out of the kindness of her heart.

4 weeks of school left and counting....

16 comments:

  1. *blinks*

    It's temporary, that's all you have to keep in mind. It's temporary.

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  2. If it's only just a few more weeks I would say grin and bear it.

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  3. I can only imagine how you must be feeling about this. And while it has been a blessing...just be thankful...that it's almost over! Mini-me hasn't been there too too long...she'll get back in check soon enough *hug* you just focus on doing what you need to d othe next few weeks, and then the break you'll soon have. You deserve it!

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  4. Trouble don't last always... you're almost there!

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  5. Wow...I can't imagine leaving my child there...just damned crazy is what that house sounds like...wow!

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  6. you all better pray she lives until June 1st. LOLOLOL Let us all pray....

    *bows head*

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  7. girl
    no way on earth you can find ANYONE else?

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  8. not for free anyways and i have no money right now.

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  9. I'll keep you and mini-me in my prayers. It won't be long. I feel like all that you are going through is just in preparation for the abundance of blessings that are about to fall on you. *hugs*

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  10. Yeah it's hard to beat free, and if it is allowing you to go ahead and get yourself through this tough time you have to go ahead and grin and bear it. but on june 1st you gonna owe mini me and mommy daughter hang out and rejuvenation day.

    I mean dam, while it's nice to know your shit is bad at least try to make it look better if you know your gonna have other people there, and with things being that damn chaotic. a little over 2 weeks left yall gonna make it through this and both come out stronger

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  11. oh, and the girl with MiniMe in the pic is not who I am referring too. that is MiniMe's bestestest friend!

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