Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I think Imma have to DO IT...

I feel like a failure.  Sometimes, I wished I never moved here. Everybody told me to move here, get away from Mister, we will help you until you get on your feet.  Apparently, there is a timetable for doing so.

When I left Ga, I left because Mister threatened to kill me so it was either stay there until I got promoted at work or leave immediately.  I never thought transferring within the same company would literally cost me my promotion.  Had I known, I might have stayed. 

Hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20.

I always knew that I would need to be promoted in order to be a single mom and I always knew at some point, despite me fighting diligently otherwise, I would be a single mother.

Well, at least now I can say I have a degree.

My decision is this. And I really have thought about this since I posted my many blogs on this mess.

I am going to send MiniMe to Ga for the spring.  I am thinking she will leave right after Christmas, he will have the summer as usual, and I will get her back in August.

This way, I can take the paralegal course in the spring without a bunch of hullabaloo. I can go to class during the day, work the late afternoon shift, and every weekend so as I can stay financially afloat.

I am taking this route instead of sending her for next fall.  Although I hate she won’t be graduating with her class and will have to try and fit in with a new set of kids in the middle of the school year, I really can’t see me being at this store longer than mid-summer. I damn sure ain’t going through another holiday season or inventory.  It is going to take everything I have in me to get through this holiday season and inventory.

I can’t help but feel that Mister has been waiting in the wings for everything to fall apart for me. Like this was all a part of his master plan on getting her back down there. He knows what my family was like, he knew from when I was with him how they acted.  He knows my bad luck.  He knows how things never seem to work out for me. And now he is going to have her down there. It just seems a little too convenient that he NOW offers to take her until “I get back on my feet”.  Shit, was I ever on my feet? LMAOO He swears, he ain’t gonna steal her. 

But my question is, why use the word “steal” if that isn’t what you are planning on doing????

I am sure this is going to go over well with those sitting in judgment, but not offering to help.

He BETSSS give her back.


  1. Do what you have to do to get yourself together and as to ANYTHING regarding Mini-Queen

  2. Oh, I ain't playing with Mister. I don't call him Mister for nothing!!! LMAO

  3. Let's pray that he'll do the RIGHT thing... My concern is how this will play out in the court system (child support), and will he use this as an opportunity to turn the financial tables around. Lisa, a great deal can happen between now and the Spring, keep ya head up... and hold on to your big picture plan: MOVING to the EAST COAST!

    BTW, is that still an option?

  4. Do what you gotta do....But don't eva' take any backwards steps & if you do fall back...We'll be here to catch you...

  5. Yes, if I can get into the paralegal program. Even though my job would transfer, I ain't trying to still be with the company past summer.

    And I have thought a great deal about the tables being turned on me. We shalll see, It isn't written in stone yet, it is a matter of logistics right now. Emails are being traded at the moment.

  6. Let's give bro man the benefit of the doubt & say he's turned over a new leaf and knows that betterment for you means betterment for his daughter.

  7. Right because didn't you say he suggested it anyways. Make that the first thing you do honey because i know what mini-me means to you. I know you have this together just don't forget all the details and remember we love you...i know i do and i'm always praying for you and yours.

  8. i do hope it wworks out....but just 2 be safe.....get it in writing and notorized....just 2 b safe....and honestly this be your blessing in disguise.....with all us praying for ya.....just remind's just for a short time....and you know y u doing dont be walking round feeling all down about it....for the greater good....b blessed

  9. I totally agree with silkee...GET THE SHIT IN WRITING!! Just readin this blog gives me the creeps. Mister doesnt seem like a honest guy and if I feel it I know u do. We all have to do wut we have to do but take no chances with this. Plan everything out down to wut shoes she should wear.

    Good Luck

  10. I swear I just can't do it. I came here to be supportive, but every single bone in my body is screaming for you not to do this. I really have a bad feeling about this. There are lots of options. Look online for a paralegal course. Tell your mom how serious this is, that you are about to send her to a man who threatened to kill you. I swear I am not trying to be dramatic, but I don't see this ending well for you. I see this ending with him getting custody and you having to move back down there to be near her.

    Im going to research options for you right now, cause this is freaking me out. I am going to end up taking her for you instead of you sending her to him. :)

  11. im with mrsrickross... and blessed...

    i KNOW how hard it can be.. as do most of us.. but im just not so sure about that decison. i know im not there with i can only say to please get all the ducks in a row before you make this a final decision.

  12. I'm not going to attempt to give you any advice because I honestly don't know what I'd do in your position. I'm going to keep on praying for you. Don't give up on God, he sometimes waits until the 11th hour to answer your prayer.

  13. One day at a time just take a deep breath things will get better God never gives you more than you can handle

  14. You officially spooked the shit out of me. TWICE LMAOO I was trying not to go there!

  15. he said he would do a written agreement, so go with that
    don't feel like a failure or like he was waiting to steal her
    try to see it as he is trying to amend his ways and help with his child
    and remember solomon, a wise parent would send her child where she could be cared for best
    my autistic son hasnt lived with me in about 2 years, so I do totally understand the overwhelming sadness and sense of failure you must feel
    but it would be a worse failure to not accept help and then doom you adn her to a life of poverty

    my ex sucks ass, but he DID take our daughter and did pay her day care because he saw that me suffering was making life hard for the child

    and if the poor baby is falling asleep at busstops and all that, maybe as a father he sees that you need help

    even if u dont send her, dont feel like ur a failure
    NO ONE can do it alone
    NO ONE

  16. I don't know what to tell you. I'll just pray for you and mini Queen and let HIM handle it.

  17. I totally agree with icnonlybme! Trust God...He's got your back, and mini-me' Him. It'll be alright. Praying for you!

  18. Aww..Lisa..I'm still praying..

  19.'s going to work out sis...believe that.

  20. I am with you Kristyn. Seriously, my friend. There are other ways. MiniQueen needs you. I have seen how much she loves her Momma and this would not be the best thing for her OR you. Go to the Office of Career Services at school. They can help with resumes and job searching. Talk to Walsh. He has connections that can maybe help you get a better paying job.
    I'm not saying anything about Mister. I just don't think this will be good for you and Taylor. Kristyn is right. There are online paralegal programs that will allow you to be home for Taylor. Sending her to Mister for the majority of the year is not the answer. I am going to pick up my diploma tomorrow after work. I will look for you before class starts.

  21. *praying for you* in my just doesn't quite feel right. I know that you have to do what you have to do...but keep praying and listening for your answer. I'm not sure if this is it...