I found my high school classmates.... *sighssss*

 
Ok, so someone sent me the link to my high school alumni website on Facebook. You know,  after all those years, all of the insecurities I felt from high school have resurfaced?

Wowwwwwwwwwwwwww

I was the one who was picked on.

Incessantly.

I don't remember much from high school. I think I blocked it all out. For me, it is probably in the top 5 of the worse times in my life.

I was the nerd.

I was the big goofy.

I was the one with no friends. My mom wouldn't allow me to hang with anyone from school. I believe I mentioned before, about the not knowing my phone number policy.  To my mother, all of the girls was a slut and streetwalker.

I was the one with the most unfashionable clothes everrr. My mother bought all of my clothes 2 or 3 sizes too big so as to not show my shape. When i say too big, I mean, I can pull down all pants without unbuttoning or unzipping them.

No insults were too severe.  Every insult was worth feeling like the shit for my classmates.

and i retreated. and for that, I was picked on and taunted even more.

I was the girl with PROBLEMS.

Every time I tried to reach out and make friends it would either backfire or they quickly kept their distance.

I was the one that they would befriend long enough to find out about me and then they would go tell everyone and they had more material to pick on me with.

I was the one the girls would keep their distance from because I was their biggest insecurity:

the tide turning and them being picked on too.

I didnt know that at the time, but I recognize it now as an adult. I am very wary of possibly reopening that wound, but would sure love to get out and meet with folks.