Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The best lesson is a bought one...

Twice some in my life I allowed a good man to get away. Lemme 'splain...

The first guy was my roommate's (I shall call T) boyfriend. (thats a hell of an into huh? lmao) Well see, what had happened was, my roommate (good friend at the time we moved from Minnesota to Atlanta together) met this guy I shall call D.  So one day, he knocks on the door to pick her up for a date.  For whatever reason, I just so happened to open the door.  When I looked at him I was struck for a moment and I clearly remember thinking that the look on his face was damn, I met the wrong roommate.  Me being who I was at the time, very unsure of myself and knew that no man that fine was looking at me, besides that, that was my roommates date so I dismissed that notion very quickly and proceeded on about my business.

Well the relationship with the roommate dissolved within a few months. It was very ugly, no need for details, I dont have the wherewithall at the moment to explain it.  Soo, one day out the blue, I was working my night shift at Waffle House and here comes D. I hadn't seen him for awhile, we chit chatted and I sent him on his way.  Well, if memory serves me correctly, he came in and ate during my shift and me being the aloof person that I am, didn't put two and two together.  Well, one day, he says to me that the first time I opened the door he felt like he had met the wrong roommate and I remember thinking, damnnn, that is the same thing that I was thinking!  I believe he was drunk that night so I really didn't pay much attention to him.  He moved away to Florida and one day, once again he reappeared.  This time, he gave me his number, we talked, eventually the do went down.  Slowly but surely, things progressed as it were and he invited me to visit him in Florida.  Well, the day I was suppose to go down there my check engine light came on and I couldn't go.  He was pretty pissed about it because he had made extensive plans, babysitter (sole custody of his twins), tickets to Bush Gardens etc...

I know I am not following the events in order of succession, but I remember several things that stood out for me.  First, I couldn't get over him having slept with my ex friend. When we slept together that one time, it was awkward for me, simply cuz all i kept thinking was that he was with T.  Second, he had had a vasectomy and at that time I wanted kids badly. Yeah, he had kids and his thing was, he already had three, whoever he is with can have his. and i was like, unh, unh, not the same partner. /third, we had a couple of conversations about how he always felt it was me he should have met first and everytime he saw me he felt that way.  I remember T used to get pissed cuz we were both two tall silly goofies (T was a much more serious person than either one of us were) who would always joke, tease and play with one another.  For me it was rather innocent cuz yanno, oftentimes, I am not that aware, i guess for him, not so much. LOLOL

Later on, he told me that she would be quite furious about his interactions with me.  I guess in hindsight, she had a feeling that something was amiss on his end. 

Soooo, I remember I was really starting to feel him in a bad way, but I really  just couldn't get past the fact that he was with my ex-friend.  When we finally stopped communicating, it was right after I was suppose to go to Florida.  And I finally told him that I couldn't do it, I felt to bad about myself for having done so and quite frankly, I couldn't get over feeling like I was second best.  (which he said wasn't true *shrugs shoulder*

My whole point in this particular story is that damn facebook is the devil. LOLOL Makes you search (thats right gun to my head and all LOLOL) and I found him and it brought back all of these feelings, emotions and memories.  He is happily married, apparently, he reversed the vasectomy and they had another child together.  Although I am happy for his happiness, success and good life....

I can't help but wonder what if....

I aint got it in me to go into the second story right now.


  1. wow girl interesting story but for some reason i didn't get the vibe in your words that this guy was really all that, maybe my filters in the way...dunno. i just can't see how letting this one get away was a loss but then you lived it so you know first hand. lol

    i can see how knowing he got married, reversed his vasectomy for her, etc would bother you in hind sight but then isn't that the way hind sight works.....it's a BITCH? lol

    if this dude was truly for you, here i go with that meant to be bullshit but not totally, i just feel that there would have been more cominfg from him on his end after the canceled FL trip. that's how i always see things like this. if he was so caught up into you, he would have come after you eventually is how i always see it.

  2. he did. I got tired of writing. LOLOL He was quite persistent, but I wouldn't allow myself to deal with him. At the time, he was working crazy hours plus had the twins, I was working two full time jobs, time off was just impossible. But he called often and finally I was like, I can't do it. and he was quite perturbed with me.

  3. Simply put you made your decision. Like you said things he wanted at the time you didn't want, and if you were uncomfortable with his previous relationship you did the right thing for you.

    Sometimes you gotta understand and respect that the right thing for you is the right thing for you. Doesn't mean there won't be some second thoughts but if you know what you want, and you know while you like parts of a situation the whole sicho ain you then do what you feel is right and stick with it. I mean if dude was so into you he would have kept on pursuing you if you didn't change your number he would have kept in touch and continued to try to persuade you.

    Now if after that you continued to maintain your sorry I can't do it then you couldn't do it, it's your life you gotta do what you think is best. That is never a bad thing if it's what you think is best than thats what it is for YOU.

  4. Yes, that is very true. I guess for me after dealing with Mister and having to deal with how I always allowed bullshit in my life. I guess I am just thinking about how in several instances, men who would have actually been good for me, (or at least better than Mister)...

    Shit, my point I am trying to make, cuz for once I am at a loss for words in trying to describe how I am feeling, is that after Misterrr I evaluated what happened, how I allowed it to happen, past relationships in which I ended up with pretty much the same result: Men who treated me like I was desperate and could do no better. When thinking back on past relationships, those that would have been good for me, I ALWASY passed by cuz I was too stupid to recognize the really good qualities that some men had. It wasn't until shit went horribly awry that I finally understood what MY fuck up was and that was that I placed value in what was to be detrimental for me.

  5. well then you didn't really want him as much as he wanted you....so he found what he wanted and needed. in that vein, there is no need to feel you missed a boat or beat yourself up because it is what it is and if you were in the same place mentally and physically, it probably could have worked but your weren't so don't feel like you missed a boat suga.

  6. let's analyze this even further. so being that you have concluded that most of that time, when you'd end up with jerks, you yourself was not necessarily in the best place. because if you were, you would not have ended up with the jerk or jerks. so to that end, it was not possible for you to end up at that time with what you needed because you were not even in tune with that. it wasn't where you were so it wasn't going to happen.

    SUBconcsiously, you didn't feel like you deserved those good dudes and those men picked up on a part of you that sent out that message they received and because of who they were, they vibed with that.....that is why they were allowed in your life.

  7. That is all very true. Don't mind me. I know of my past mistakes and I also *know* that my time has passed. I guess my thinking is that one doesn't get to many chances before an opportunity passes you by. That is MY fault that on 2 maybe even 3 occasions, I didn't see what was in front of me.

    I have long ago given up the notion of being married and have graciously accepted my singlehood. Although I accept it, it doesn't mean I always like what I know to be my reality and that doesn't mean I won't occasionally give myself a swift kick in the ass for past mistakes and for taking so long to finally get it. I have no one to but myself for my past mistakes, but sometimes, being a late bloomer is a hard pill to swallow.

  8. See I think there needs to be a little clarity on this issue. It's not so much that you ended up with them, it's that you didn't realize there are a lot of men out here who think (and yall do tend to be a little insecure) the best way to get your cake and eat it to is to prey on a womans weaknesses and then blame her for it.

    Baby girl they got with you, they pursued ya. It's not that you couldn't do better it's that ya didn't realize it. A lot of women fall into this trap(look at halle berry, how many idiots has she married) you blame yourself for more then you were responsible for in a past relationship. Were you perfect probably not, but the only thing your responsible for once you realize your being mistreated is staying. They are responsible for mistreating you. I mean, as the saying goes just because you have a car, and the green light and a muffuka is in the middle of the street does that mean you have to hit them? No. Same thing if somebody wasn't treating you right they made the choice to continue that.

    I swear I think some of yall need to get apartments near college campuses and stand naked (or silhoutted if your shy) in the window every once in a while. If you notice a group of young men and women constantly lurking around and smiling at you near the time of your strip session understand theirs you could you do better.

    I love yall but somedays I swear ya need to just strip them off and walk down the row and let folks jaws drop. Your not gonna please everybody I don't care what ya do but if you appreciate those you do please it's a lot easier to say fuck you to the assholes

  9. sometimes, some shit just ain't meant to be.

    no need to kick yourself in the ass.

    just think about it...if it really was meant to be, he would have been knocking on you and your roomie's door to take YOU out, not her.

    So although you both may have felt a lil sumpin sumpin, a lil sumpin sumpin is not always enuf.

    soooo, don't kick yourself, babygirl

  10. When it comes to a successful relationship...

    Timing is one of the MOST important aspects!

  11. hmmm interesting but sweetie, you don't know what kind of blessing could be in store for you so don't block them or count yourself out....those situations in the past happened the way they did and you can't live on regrets.

    you are not necessarily a late bloomer...hell you are going to be growing and learning lessons as long as you live. again, things happened when they needed to as they needed to ultimately. if those guys who passed through your life were for you, they would be there for you. if you were for them as well...same thing. don't feel bad about it. you have many years to go to meet many more awesome opportunities..but your attitude will dictate the outcome.....;-)

  12. amen to that....so roll with it and keep on rolling.

  13. also my way of looking at it.....if you are meant for them and they are so meant for you, NOTHING is going to stop that union.

  14. 1. You were following the sista friend rule "thou shall not sleep with friends man even when he is her ex man"

    2. You were on separate pages where children were invovled. You wanted some of your OWN, and he had some. At the time he did not want more.

    In the end you had to make the decision you felt was right to your spirit.

  15. reasons and seasons sweetie...

    i have more to say, but i will most likely call you and tell you...

    but before i go, and in the event i fall asleep, i got one mo' thing to say: YOU GOTTA STOP BEING SO HARD ON YASELF!

  16. now stop pouting and go hug ya daughter...

  17. girl
    ur young enough to get married next year and be married 50 years
    there IS time
    dont sweat it, accept that you are single now, deal with it
    but life is LONG and who KNOWS what will happen later

  18. and now that u know, u can correct your past mistakes
    i call my husbands practice husbands, the ones i learned on
    that way when its time again, i will be ready. know what to do and not to do

  19. Don't think about the "What if's" Think about "What's Next!"

  20. Girl Bye! You can keep up that Family Dollar mentality if you want to...you know...discounting all the good shit about yourself like something is wrong with you! When you have that mentality, that's where you will end up...in the sale bin at Family Dollar! If those past situations didn't work out the way that you thought they should have, learn the lessons by evaluating where you were at that time, and vow not to be there again! Making that simple change will ensure that as you grow and learn from those examples, you will be prepared for the next round of 'good men' that come into your life...trust me...THEY are coming...so you had better be ready....get your list in order so that you know what you want...will and will not tolerate, and can and cannot accept!

    You can't be wishy washy about these things...you have to have a solid list of things, and the more specific the better! This way, you weed out the worst of the best, and are only left with the cream of the crop...and then you pick and choose from there. I won't put all the info here...cuz a bitch is busy...but you know what to do if you need the rest of the info mayne...lol!

    Stop beating yourself up...cuz just like your friend...you will be wearing that 'look' on your face...and they can spot that shit a mile away girl! *WINK*


  21. *howwwwwwling at Family Dollar mentality* Going back to read.


    I ain't got the look no moresssssss I swearsssssss!!!!

    but seriously, i get what you are saying, and I am most of the way there. I weed through pretty well which is why most of the time, I am just sitting here!




  23. Yeah...but sometimes...when you are too hard on yourself...you are sitting right here...for all the WRONG reasons...ya heard me?!